Dear Amy: My boyfriend of just over a year is going to be working out of state for a few months, and he said he wants us to take a break while he’s gone.
He still wants to talk and visit when he’s in town, but he also wants to date other people to be sure we are meant for each other.
I’m worried about this. What should I do? — Worried Girlfriend
Dear Worried: If your boyfriend wants to “take a break,” then that’s his right. If you are going to be separated, I think this is a pretty good idea.
But to tell you he wants to date other people to make sure you are meant for each other is, well — the technical term is “a crock.”
I suggest you say to him, “Honey, I think it’s a great idea to date other people. I don’t know whether I will also want to see you when you’re home, but let’s just wait and see about that.”
When people are in love and committed to be together, they simply don’t want to see other people, no matter what distance separates them. They also don’t need to date others to test a person’s suitability.
You can definitely have a fun and fulfilling relationship without this level of exclusive commitment, but it’s important for you to know and to be open about what kind of relationship you’re currently having.
Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old high school student.
Recently I was punished for watering down tequila, which I swear I absolutely did not do. My aunt accused me of this because I’m the only teenager who spends days and evenings at her house babysitting. No one believes that I did not do this. Even my parents don’t believe me!
I can’t prove my innocence. What should I do? — Accused Teenager
Dear Accused: You shouldn’t have to prove your innocence, but it sounds as if you won’t be able to anyway, so stop trying.
Instead, focus on asserting your suitability as a babysitter. If your aunt’s liquor is being mysteriously watered down, you should ask her to please keep it — and any other alcohol she might have in the house — under lock and key.
Dear Amy: I have a milestone birthday coming up, and I was hoping to celebrate with my friends and family.
My boyfriend isn’t exactly the party-planning type, nor does he have the time to plan a party. He works, goes to school and is in the military.
I have brothers, but none of them has ever made a big deal out of birthdays, and my closest friends live out of state. I would be very disappointed if I didn’t have a birthday party for such a milestone!
Do I throw my own birthday party? That seems sort of tacky to me. Do you agree? — Birthday Girl
Dear Girl: If hosting your own milestone birthday party is tacky, then I need to apologize to all of the guests at the 40th birthday party I threw for myself. Oops.
Please give yourself, your friends and family the party you deserve. Make it memorable for everyone.
Dear Amy: I’m upset about a family situation and don’t feel I should interfere.
My oldest son, who has three children, has asked his brother, who has no children, to give one of his children a very expensive Christmas gift.
They have not typically exchanged gifts for any occasion, nor does this uncle have a very close relationship with the children.
I’m afraid this will create all kinds of problems down the road. How will the other two kids feel without a gift?
The kids have never shown a lot of appreciation for the gifts they receive, and I’m afraid this will create resentment. This expectation on my older son’s part stems from a friend whose daughter receives large gifts from her aunt. Is there anything a mother should do here? — Worried Mom
Dear Mom: If you are asked your opinion, give your unvarnished view (I agree with your assessment of this craziness, by the way). Otherwise, stay out of this mess-in-the-making.
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