What is it about this culture that keeps us perpetually dissatisfied with the current mode of hooking up?
Call it progress.
Somehow, modern Americans continually seek to make the mating ritual faster and more superficial. In the age of “The Bachelor,” Facebook and tweeting, we seem to crave new ways to accelerate the match game.
If only we were as canny as birds, flashing sexual signals in plumage, or dogs, efficiently sniffing the particulars.
But no, we are wired for more complicated interaction. Our grandparents courted, our parents dated. In the past millennium, we skipped past all that to hooking up. Now, even speed dating is passe.
We’ve moved on to the full-motion prescreening meat market.
I’m talking, of course, about “Conveyor Belt of Love,” which is either a silly novelty on ABC or the latest sign of the Decline of Western Civilization as We Know It.
The reality spectacle, which puts five eager women in front of a conveyor belt loaded with willing male candidates, chugged into being this week. While the hour looked like it had a production budget of maybe $49.95, the ratings from Monday’s premiere indicate the tacky show may have a future on ABC. It came in No. 2 behind the Fiesta Bowl on Fox.
Some 6.5 million viewers sat still for “Conveyor Belt,” handily beating Jay Leno on NBC.
So, the 30 guys pass by, emanating various levels of testosterone and supposed talent. Some play instruments or perform magic tricks, others flex, do celebrity impressions or try to tell a joke. A few talk seriously about the importance of a mate or their superior sexual prowess. Some suit up, others affect a rugged biker, hippie or cowboy look. One wore only a swimsuit and carried a lap dog.
As the guys roll, so much meat up for inspection, the women flash signs that read “interested” or “not interested.”
We tune out when they get to the actual dating part. The snarky snap judgments of the women are more intriguing. Keiko, in particular, is cranky with the men who don’t strike her fancy (meaning the men wearing clothes). Others compare notes on religious beliefs; Keiko is all about the beefcake.
You wouldn’t want to break bread with any of these people, but a one-night-stand was a funny way to pass the time.
CBS quiets Cronkite.
What to make of the fact that CBS News pulled Walter Cronkite’s voice as the introduction to its evening newscast, substituting Morgan Freeman’s voice instead?
When Cronkite died in July, CBS offered to pull his voice immediately but the the Cronkite family said it would be honored to have his introduction continue for Katie Couric. This week, the network said “the time was right.”
All three network newscasts now have celebrity announcers. Michael Douglas began announcing “NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams” in 2007. Mike Rowe, best known for hosting Discovery’s “Dirty Jobs,” debuted as the voice of ABC “World News with Diane Sawyer” last month.
The line between TV news and entertainment is porous now. It’s all show business.
Great “Good Wife.”
CBS’s “The Good Wife” went from good to great with Tuesday’s episode, bringing the central characters’ ethical and legal entanglements to the fore. The role is supplying Julianna Margulies with the best work of her career. The ratings keep climbing, too. Christine Baranski’s classy laughing exit was the topper.
Joanne Ostrow: 303-954-1830 or jostrow@denverpost.com
