Dear Margo: I’m in a perplexing situation. I’m a single mom with a full-time “protected” job where I make pretty decent money with exceptional health benefits. Because it is a “protected” job, there is no chance I can be laid off, no matter how bad the economy gets. I have savings put away for retirement. I also have two wonderful young sons who will be going to college in five and seven years respectfully, so in addition to saving for my retirement, I am also saving for college.
What is the problem, you ask? Well, I hate going to work. It’s not the job, but I work for the most condescending micromanagers you could imagine. They belittle me almost every day, and every morning in the parking lot I get a knot in my stomach and spend the day with nagging nausea and heartburn (for which I now take medication). I am not the only one who is treated poorly, so I know I’m not being singled out. All of this is affecting my health. I’m having trouble eating, I’ve lost weight, and I am sometimes short with my sons, who are really good kids and don’t deserve it. I’m on the verge of depression. I know I should be thankful for having a job that pays the bills in this economy, but is my health worth it? Should I look for another job, with less pay and “unprotected” status, or stay where I am? — Lucky or Unlucky?
Dear Luck: If the country were not in the economic shape it’s in, I might answer differently, but given the situation we’re in, I would encourage you to stay within your safety net and find a way to ameliorate your distress. Because of the health benefits you describe, I would see a therapist who might prescribe antidepressants or talk it through with you so you could get the tools to either ignore these bullies or confront them. An example would be to respond, the next time one of them comes at you, “Let’s talk about this. Why, exactly, are you making an effort to belittle me? If there is a constructive criticism, I’d like to hear it, but perhaps in a more mature, less bullying way.” The shock of your counteroffensive just might induce … well, awe. Good luck. — Margo, realistically
When the motivator cannot be the mother
Dear Margo: I’m worried about my 16-year-old daughter. Over the past several years, she has gained a lot of weight. While she is not morbidly obese yet, I’m afraid she is heading in that direction. She is 5 feet 3 inches tall and 183 pounds. She is on medication that increases her hunger, so I know that is part of the problem. She says she’s happy the way she is. I would applaud her saying that, but I’m worried about her health. I’ve recently begun exercising and eating healthfully myself, by way of example, but she’s not interested. Whenever I mention going for a walk or eating less, she shows complete disinterest. I don’t want to bruise her ego, but I’m not sure what to do here. — Baffled
Dear Baf: She’s 16? That’s an unusual age to be indifferent to a weight problem — if only because of the dating and social aspect. Perhaps she feels the drug is going to make her fat no matter what she does. I think your best bet is to be in touch with the doc who prescribed her medication and ask him to work with her on ways she can counteract the increased appetite, and on supplying information about how carrying too much weight can stress other organs and bones. Perhaps a nutritionist is the answer. I suspect she would be more receptive to what her doctor has to say, as opposed to her mother. Good luck. — Margo, interventionally
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
