Dear Margo: My younger sister, “Megan,” has always been unlucky with men. But two years ago, she met a man, “Bob,” who was handsome and charming and treated her magnificently. As she fell in love with him, our family hoped they would marry. Even though the relationship was semi long-distance (he told her he lived out of state and traveled frequently to her city on business), and even though he and Megan didn’t hang out with his friends (we assumed he didn’t have a tight-knit group in her town), he was very sweet and had met our whole family.
A few months ago, with no warning, Bob broke up with Megan. She was distraught. Despite repeated attempts to find out why he dumped her, Bob didn’t give her a reason. Fast-forward to today. My mom and I, both former journalists, went Internet sleuthing and found that Bob has been married for 10 years, has two small children and lives not out of state, but in a suburb 30 minutes from where Megan lives. We are livid. I want to get ahold of Bob and let him know we’re aware of his charade and find him despicable, but I don’t want to contact the wife, as she either knows and doesn’t care, or doesn’t know and would be even more devastated than Megan to learn of his philandering. Do you have any advice about what to say to Bob once I’ve gotten ahold of him? I know nothing I say will stop him from doing this sort of thing again, but I’d like to remind him that not only did he hurt my sister, but he’s also setting his wife and two children up for a lot of pain. And his behavior could expose his wife to STDs. Have you any words of wisdom for Megan? — PO’d Sis
Dear PO: As we used to say in our family, “Save your breath to cool your soup.” Whatever choice words you have for this sleaze bucket will have zero effect; he already knows he’s married. I applaud, by the way, your not wanting to tip off his wife. As for your sister, tell her the probable reason for Romance Interruptus is that the Mrs. found out or another babe caught his eye. Remind her that she just had rotten luck, but she dodged a bullet, spelled b-u-m. I suspect that after this experience she will check on the status of any future suitors. — Margo, historically
A dead ringer at the office
Dear Margo: About four years ago, my husband had a relationship with another woman. As far as I know (according to both of them), it never crossed into sex. But … it was still all the stereotypical sneaking around and lying. This woman was a friend. Their relationship ended a while back, and I am still with my husband, but every so often something will remind me of it and the old hurt and angry feelings come back. Now, my problem: A woman was recently hired at my job who could pass as that other woman’s sister! Their personalities are even similar. I am having a very hard time with this. On a daily basis I feel like I’m being slapped in the face. I love my job and don’t want to leave, but please tell me how to continue working here without these feelings rising. By the way, I have not told my husband about her. — Spooked
Dear Spook: I suspect you may have no sense of resolution, along with residual doubt about the nature of the now ended “friendship.” If there was no sex, why sneak around and lie — to have coffee or go to the movies? That’s one thought. The other is that a look-alike should not rattle you so. This is where rational thinking comes in. Just tell yourself that there’s an amazing likeness, and what a bum coincidence. Rational comprehension that your co-worker is not the former friend should calm the waters. If you don’t get a grip on this, you will walk around in a permanent state of upset. — Margo, maturely
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
