have a big project, they hire a complete stranger who gives them a “better” price until the project starts (then they add in hidden fees)?
This has happened twice with “good” friends who love to call until it is time to hire someone. It is very hurtful to my husband and me, although I try not to mix friendship and business.
We also have neighbors who call, ask for an estimate and then do the repair themselves, thus making the problem worse! The most recent one called in the middle of the night, panicked because her basement was flooding. Then she tried to do all the work herself! When it came time to get a professional, she let the insurance people send someone.
I will be happy when the housing market picks up again so we won’t have time for these calls. This free advice is starving us! — Not Recession-proof
Dear Not: Your husband can change the dynamic by behaving more professionally. If someone calls for “free advice,” he should make an appointment with them during business hours and prepare an estimate. Once he provides an estimate, he can let people know that if they receive a lower estimate, he might be able to cut his price.
Dear Amy: I have been in a four-year relationship that has been a power struggle the entire time.
We both have children from previous relationships and he feels he has to school me on how to raise them. If I don’t take his advice, we fight for days.
I have ended the relationship only to have him come back apologizing for his behavior. The thing is, it doesn’t stop. After a few weeks, he starts giving his “helpful” advice again.
His children are young and well-behaved but somewhat afraid of him. My children don’t like him very much and don’t want to spend time with him.
Should I end the relationship? — Confused
Dear Confused: Fighting over one thing for days is an indication that you are locked in an unhealthy dynamic.
It doesn’t matter who is right concerning the kids. What matters is the resulting interaction, which according to you has been toxic.
If you had a healthy relationship, you would recognize this pattern and find ways to change. You two don’t seem capable of this sort of change.
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