Dear Margo: Do you think a wife deserves to know that her husband, who portrays himself as an upstanding, churchgoing, faithful family man, is spending inordinate amounts of time trolling the Internet for women? She has suspected him of being unfaithful in the past, and he’s convinced her otherwise. This, alas, was not true. He uses false names at times and stays up late at night “chatting” with these women. He spends time in chat rooms and on various social networking sites to meet women. Should his wife know about this? — Knows the Truth
Dear Knows: I can’t tell exactly who you are in this drama, but I suspect you are one of the babes he’s been “chatting” with, and that you know who he is … and you know the wife. You also seem to know some of their marital history. I would advise saying nothing. My guess is that his Mrs. may know, and if not, she is bound to find out. (I get too much mail from women who do eventually figure things out.) It is such a shame that the amazing Internet has this dark, destructive potential. I am of the school that believes “he’ll get his.” At some point, the wife will find out, and then she’ll decide what she wants to do about it. — Margo, fatefully
You are in no way alone
Dear Margo: I’m a 30-year-old male recently back in the U.S. after working and studying abroad for two years. When I was forced to move back because of lack of work, I was hoping to find a job with the government or a non-governmental organization in the field of international development. Now, nine months later, I am living with my parents, single and still unemployed.
The whole situation is having increasingly negative effects. I have spent the last 12 years accomplishing some of my goals: putting myself through school, obtaining four degrees, living in three different countries and becoming fluent in a foreign language. I always felt that of the many things I wanted to achieve, near the top ranked being a husband and father and having a job where I felt I was helping others and making a difference. These goals now seem stifled by the current economic situation that plagues so many of us. I am frustrated and depressed about my lack of control over my employment, and about the realization that the chances of attracting a desirable woman are fairly slim for an unemployed 30-year-old living with his parents. I often find myself curt with family members and apathetic about the few social opportunities that are available in my very small town. What can I do? — Rotting in the Rockies
Dear Rot: What you can do is improvise — and have hope. Yes, you have dreams that have been put on hold, but as my mom always said, life is what happens when you’re making other plans. The good news is that you are not a homeless soul wondering where your next meal is coming from. I would suggest taking that sharp mind of yours and moving to Plan B, which I invite you to formulate. Regarding being married, that does not have a direct line to your career. Life moves; things change. Try volunteering for an NGO. Network — see who can use your talents, even in a bum economy. Forgive the cliche, but where there’s a will there’s a way, and I’ll bet you find it. — Margo, hopefully
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
