Dear Amy: “Steve” and I dated for a year when we were in high school — 33 years ago. It was an intense romantic relationship, but I eventually ended it because of Steve’s reckless and impulsive behavior.
I moved away after high school and have not been back since. Recently, Steve and other high school friends contacted me on Facebook. They hang out together frequently in my hometown, and it has been nice catching up with them.
I’d like to go back for a visit, but I have a dilemma: I’m happily married, and Steve is married too, apparently not so happily.
I have no desire to meet as anything but old friends, but it’s clear from the tone of his communications with me that he’d like more than that.
I haven’t responded as anything other than a friend, and I’ve asked him several times to cut it out.
I’ve thought of meeting with my other friends and excluding him, but I know they’d tell him and he would be hurt. I’ve also considered making it clear that I won’t meet with him except as part of a group (I hope with his wife and daughter included), but knowing him, he’d pop up unexpectedly and alone at some point.
I don’t want to ask my husband to go, just to “protect” me. Any suggestions other than just not going? — So Over Him
Dear Over: You may be overthinking this. You have attempted to direct “Steve’s” Facebook contact, and he either hasn’t read your cues correctly or doesn’t care. Ignore him. Don’t respond.
Go to your hometown. Bring your family with you — not for protection but because it might be rewarding to bring these two parts of your life together.
If he pops up unexpectedly, you simply behave cordially, coolly and like a grown-up whose life has expanded far and wide beyond the halls of high school.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to the question about a co-worker who took and kept an unflattering photo of a colleague. I am a human-resources executive with more than 25 years of experience.
Employees are all too happy to leap to “hostile work environment” when anyone does something they don’t like at work. There is a specific legal requirement for something to be considered by law to be a hostile work environment.
Furthermore, 21st-century human-resources management does not include getting involved in squabbles between employees.
Unless the offense or the problematic relationship is based on illegal behavior, it is up to the employees — presumably adults — to work it out. — HR Professional
Dear Pro: I completely agree. My experience is that HR will assist, advise and offer to mediate a serious issue if asked but will not act as the social director.
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