Despair not, America. While some may criticize President Obama and the Congressional Democrat’s prescription for health care and economic reform, there is hope that we can achieve prosperity if we only follow their crafty path in our own personal financial affairs. Just consider the array of possibilities if we apply their innovative economic principles to our everyday concerns.
For example, let’s say that I am an unemployed citizen who faces foreclosure on my home and is struggling to put food on the table for my family while trying to make ends meet. My wife has long demonstrated the efficacy of the Democrat’s magic formula to save more money than she spends when shopping for merchandise at the mall.
I just need to think bigger and expand my definition of solvency to count up the savings I can accrue by buying a new car at 30 percent off the list price, a new flat screen TV at 40 percent off and then taking a cruise at 50 percent off. With the Democrat’s medicine I am already starting to feel better about my economic plight as there is virtually no limit to the money I can save by spending at this rate.
Saving money while spending is not the only way to save for the future, however. Additionally, I can immediately project savings in my ten year plan by promising to eat meals only every other day and, beginning in 2012, to heat my home only in the summer and turn the air conditioning on only in the winter.
I will be able to estimate major savings of money at the same time I will be saving the planet. Moreover, utilizing the concept of obtaining insurance regardless of a pre-existing condition suggests that a lot of money can be saved on my homeowner’s fire insurance if I deftly defer purchasing it until after the remote chance that my house might burn down.
Of course, the Democrats do not fashion their deficit reducing economic policies predicated merely on savings alone, so I will also include a healthy income stream in my plan. I can readily anticipate a doubling or tripling of my old salary when I find a new job after completion of my two week online doctorate in nuclear physics.
Moreover, I will reap substantially increased income from my sure-fire investments in Central City Casinos and the Powerball lottery. Also, because of the Democrat’s ongoing concern for working families, I will happily pledge the future income my children and grandchildren will make to support my current lifestyle, including the funds they will surely receive from the Tooth Fairy, all-star professional sports careers and from winning American Idol.
Once I have calculated the totals from my Democrat-inspired strategic personal savings and income plan, I will have my brother-in-law sign a letter certifying the accuracy of my projections. I can then take the letter to the local branch of the Bank of China where they will be delighted to advance me all the money I need to tide me over until it is time for me to check into the Federal Nursing Home.
There I will be greeted by the pleasant nursing staff that the Democrats have so thoughtfully cross-trained by the post office, motor vehicle department and the IRS. In my final moments on earth, instead of pain pills, I will be entertained by the staff wearing the masks of my heroes, Barrack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.
Mark L. Swanson lives in Centennial. EDITOR’S NOTE: This is an online-only column and has not been edited.
