Dear Amy: I read your column often and have noticed that you suggest a “mental health professional” when the situation warrants it.
Could you provide some pointers on how to find one?
I want to keep this private and am a little shy about asking friends for help. — Seeking Some Help
Dear Seeking: I have found therapists for myself through personal referrals, physician referrals and by calling a local teaching hospital. I have found therapists for others by checking the American Psychological Association’s website: .
This comprehensive site has a “psychologist locator” tool in which you can type your ZIP code and see a database of local therapists, along with their specialties.
Normally you can call or e-mail and outline the basics of what you’re seeking. It might take a few calls to find what you feel is a good fit.
If you see a doctor regularly, I’d start there. Your physician knows your personal health issues and family history. He or she will also know mental health practitioners personally and professionally.
Dear Amy: Recently I was on medical leave for eight weeks. After I returned from my leave, a co-worker went on medical leave. My supervisor sent her a lovely food basket from the department.
I didn’t expect nor did I receive flowers or a food basket, but I still feel hurt by the omission. I hesitate talking to my supervisor because I am not a member of her clique and fear retribution. What should I do, if anything? — Recovering
Dear Recovering: What you should do is nothing. Life isn’t fair, and I agree with you that your supervisor was insensitive. Your wounded feelings are understandable.
In my experience, the dynamic in most office environments is just like middle school, but with male pattern baldness. Cliques, favoritism and bullying are present in some form in many workplaces. The difference is that at work you get paid to be there.
Determine that you will get over this — and you will.
Dear Amy: Wedding and graduation season is fast approaching, and once again many of us will be choosing just the perfect gift for the occasion, spending time and money to make sure we choose exactly what the recipient would like. Sadly, we gift-givers can expect very few thank-you notes or even acknowledgments.
I am a teacher, and this epidemic of ungraciousness has changed my perception of many of my students and leaves a negative impression not easily erased.
This letter could be signed: “Your teacher, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles and everyone else who were important enough to include on your guest list.” — Disheartened
Dear Disheartened: Your letter should be clipped, affixed to refrigerators and bathroom mirrors, and sent to scores of young people.
I think most of us have committed sins of omission by neglecting to thank others well enough (or at all), but once you reach the generation where you’re expected to give you gain an extra layer of understanding of how this ingratitude (or perceived ingratitude) resonates. Please, parents, urge your children to express their thanks — out loud and in writing.
Dear Amy: More on child discipline techniques. My wife and I have raised six children and have been foster parents to 26. We have used various methods of discipline; the particular method that is effective varying from one child to another. We found that the best discipline was always whatever worked for that particular child. We have concluded that there are really no experts in child discipline, only experienced child discipline practitioners. — Proud Dad
Dear Dad: Exactly.
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