Dear Amy: My sister lives alone and works from home doing market research. Until a few years ago, her only companion was her cat, whom she had for about 10 years.
About three years ago, she let the cat out at night, as usual, and it never came back. By now, we are all sure the poor thing is permanently gone, but my sister is still waiting for the cat to return!
She still has her food dishes and litter box in the kitchen, and her toys are scattered around the house. My sister gets very angry if we even suggest that she get another pet.
Worse than that, ever since the cat went away, she refuses to visit me or any of her other relatives who own cats.
When I tell my sister that I think she needs help, she stops speaking to me for weeks at a time. This has been going on for three years! Is this normal? — Worried Sister
Dear Worried: If your sister functions well, has relationships, spends time out in the world and seems like herself (other than her eccentricity over the cat), then you shouldn’t focus on it.
However, if she doesn’t leave her house easily (even aside from the cat issue), she could have a condition called agoraphobia. Her emotion over the cat might be a “red herring,” so to speak, masking other issues.
People who are agoraphobic develop an extreme reluctance to leave their homes. This is debilitating but treatable. Your sister’s grief over the cat might have triggered this or another issue, and I agree with you that she should get professional help.
I hope you can continue to encourage her toward treatment.
Don’t discuss the cat, but focus on her overall health. Don’t blame her for anything or accuse her of being weird or abnormal. Be very gentle and encouraging.
Say you’re worried about her and want to try to help. She could start by discussing this with her physician.
Dear Amy: I usually enjoy my relative invisibility with strangers, but now I’m seven months pregnant.
Now that I’m really, really looking pregnant, I feel harassed by strangers for too much personal information. (I like talking to friends and family about my pregnancy; their questions don’t bother me.)
I know that people enjoy sharing in pregnancy and are generally happy about this, but the never-ending “When are you due? No, what is the exact date?” and “Is this a boy or a girl? Your first child? What’s the other kid? What are you naming her? Are you breast-feeding her?” questions really get to me.
What do you suggest as a polite and socially acceptable way to say, “None of your business, nosy stranger!”? — Pregnant and Peppered
Dear Pregnant: I realize this is annoying, but for some people (mainly women, I assume), the mere sight of a bulging belly causes them to forget their good manners and ask questions they would never dream of posing in another context.
If you find yourself trapped, one polite way to handle this would be to say, “I’m sorry — have we met?”
You can respond further by saying, “I feel this is pretty personal.”
Dear Amy: I am in the same situation as “Reluctant Eavesdropper,” the reader who was bothered by noisy co-workers gathered near her desk. There are days when customers who are calling me ask if there is a party going on in the background.
I have brought it to the attention of the two offenders and my supervisor. There is no easy solution as workspace is limited. I am going to invest in a good noise-reducing headset shortly. — Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: You can respond to prospective customers by saying, “My colleagues love our product so much they are extra-exuberant today! I hope you can forgive the noise.”
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