Dear Margo: I’ve been married to a great man for five years. He has three kids. Two of them, the oldest (19) and the youngest (14), I love and get along with well. His middle son, “Robert,” is 17 and still wets the bed. He can stop, as he has shown us he’s capable of doing, but chooses not to. I think he’s just too lazy to get up and go to the bathroom.
When I’m told he’s coming over, I cringe and am full of dread. Half the time he leaves his bedding for us to take care of, so we then have to make him come back and do what he should have done in the first place. I’m left with a smelly house (it’s small) or a smelly garage (where the washer is). He’s quite hard to love. The oldest son says, on a regular basis, “Robert brings out the worst in people.” He is lazy, disrespectful, hyper and self-centered. The bedwetting is just one issue we have with him.
My husband is very supportive of me and sides with me at every turn, so I don’t have that battle. I feel awful that I care for and love the other two while this one makes me crazy. Any words of wisdom on what I can do to not feel this way? — Wicked Stepmother?
Dear Wick: A 17-year-old who wets the bed is many years beyond the “normal” cut-off date for that kind of thing. The problem could be emotional and psychological, but more likely it’s a physiological abnormality that should be dealt with by a specialist, starting with a urologist. My instinct is that a 17-year-old with personality problems would not act out by wetting the bed, because it has to be humiliating. And don’t beat yourself up that you find yourself annoyed by this kid. He doesn’t sound very winning. — Margo, unusually
The “Me Me” Office Mate
Dear Margo: I have a situation. I work with a woman who has three children. Her youngest is 18 months old and is the only child anyone ever hears about or sees pictures of. Her two older children basically don’t exist, unless her husband brings them by work, and even then she ignores them in favor of the baby. That part bothers me, but it’s not the main issue I have.
After I got married, I was showing my wedding pictures to some co-workers and this woman shoved her cell phone in my face to show me a picture of her daughter. I was offended and hurt because I didn’t even get one day to enjoy my newly married status. Another instance: Shortly after I had my baby, we stopped by work to show her off at my boss’s request. Apparently, someone told the other lady we would be there, because she walked in with her daughter and got in everyone’s face while they were cooing over my new daughter. I can’t talk about my child’s accomplishments or funny things she’s done without hearing a new story, or a repeated one, about her daughter. How do I get this woman to realize that there are other people in the world who deserve their small chance in the spotlight? — Rankled by Cuteness
Dear Rank: Good Lord, what a pill this woman sounds like, and how clueless. Sad that her “Look at me! Look at me!” affliction centers around one child. I can only imagine what life is like for the other two kids. But regarding your problem with her, there are really only two things to be done. One is to tell her — gently or not — that you’ve heard quite enough about baby-cakes, and that she might want to give some thought to other people’s desire to share high points in their lives. The second thing is nothing. And frankly, I think she is beyond reformation. — Margo, grouchily
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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