Words are important.
Without words, like “walk” or “treat,” how would our dogs know when to run in slobber-spreading circles? Big words are useful, too, like when you want to call someone a “wuss” but aren’t sure that he is, so you tell him he’s quite “pusillanimous.”
But the fun thing about words is that you can make them up, and some of them even become real words, like “awesomocity.” Did you know that, as a teen, you could be ticketed for driving while “intexticated”?
Or have you, like President Obama, been “kanyed” while giving a speech? Know anyone who has “twitterhea”?
Below are a few words I’ve coined after reading and listening to way too much political news and commentary when I’m too lazy to do anything else.
You might call it a current political “laxicon,” and I might agree with you.
Blogma: (n) a species of rigid, mostly incoherent doctrine spewed forth in mass quantities on the Internet by those who believe everyone is entitled to their “insights,” but no one is allowed to criticize them without incurring wrathful rejoinders that can include threats, name-calling, “yo mama” insults, or thousand- word blocks of “research” everyone scrolls through to get to the next smack down.
Internuts: (n) those addicted to reading, writing and yes, recommending blogma to fellow nuts.
Partishuns: (n) those who have been scolded, rebuked, outed and even ousted as traitors to their own party for speaking their own mind and not the party line, especially if they give even the merest scintilla of a hint that their own mind might somehow be construed as being in synch with an idea proposed by the opposing party.
See also DINO, RINO and IINO (though they are shunned for not speaking their minds).
Partishun: (v) to rebuke, disown, and otherwise turn one’s back on a party turncoat, e.g., “The freshman Republican senator has been partishunned for saying the health care reform act wasn’t totally socialist.”
Calumnists: (n) political opiners who would never let the truth get in the way of a vicious attack on 1) other malicious opiners, 2) any who dare speak the truth, 3) the “guv’ment.”
Becksploitation: (n) the phenomenon that occurs when one realizes too late that he has just wasted an hour of his time watching incoherent babbling, empty vehemence, and gold commercials on Fox News.
Olberoneupmannship: (n) the technique wherein one vitriolic screed is “examined” by another that exceeds it in length, breadth, height, depth, sound, fury, eyebrows, sneers, stares, glares, nostril flares, sonority, moronity, pomposity, verbosity, ridiculousity, and stubbornly resists repeated attempts to channel-surf it away.
Pandits: (n) pundits who, because of their utter predictability, you can pan in 10 seconds or less, or however long it takes you to discern the old, tired message of “liberals bad; conservatives good” or vice-versa.
Scarahmongering: (n) 1) using firearm jargon, references and symbols to incite patriots and other costumers who are afraid that they are losing “their” country to “reload” and “reclaim” it. 2) wearing James Dean motorcycle leather when trying to “persuade” ultra-conservatives to vote for the elderly.
Infoxication (n) a stuporous, semi-delirious state brought on by ingesting too much news and commentary on the fairly imbalanced network, e.g.: “A number of the Tea Partyers’ obnoxious, aberrant behavior was reportedly due to severe infoxication.”
Well, there they are — some new tools for more and better blogma. Have at it, nuts.
Oh, and “awesomocity” isn’t really a word. But it’s so awesome, I’m thinking it should be.
Mark Moe (brktrt_80231@yahoo.com) is a retired English teacher. He was a member of the 2005 Colorado Voices panel.
