Dear Margo: I am a 21-year-old woman with what is turning into a big problem. As a child, I always had an emotional attachment to toys — stuffed animals, blankets, you name it. I figured it was something I would grow out of, and I did to some extent, but it has recently resurfaced.
I give all my stuffed toys and action figures a “personality,” and I feel guilty and sad if I neglect any of them — for example, if I drop them on the floor and leave them there for a day or two. I don’t talk to them or anything, but I project my strong “feelings” for them, and then everything is OK once they know how much I love them. This is also a problem because I find it extremely hard to get rid of things, as I’m afraid they’ll be mistreated if I give them away. I know this is absolutely ridiculous, but that’s the way it is. I’m honestly afraid I’m going to become a hoarder.
Unfortunately, that’s not all. There’s another way this is manifesting: online. Facebook, for example, has games where you can raise animals and pets, and I made the mistake of joining. I have a virtual cat on the game FooPets. I don’t want to take care of the cat anymore, but I force myself to. I can’t bear giving the cat away and deleting the game, since no one would love it as much as I do and I feel like it loves me, too. I know there is some kind of medical term associated with this, but I’ve had no luck finding and learning about it. I need help! — Emotionally Attached
Dear Em: Alas, there are several medical terms for what’s going on, but I am not a therapist, and that’s the person you need to see. Soon. You seem to be mingling insecurity, hoarding, anthropomorphizing and OCD. The fact that you are seriously involved — again — with stuffed and virtual animals at 21 is not healthy. The upside is that you know it. Do get professional help ASAP. — Margo, therapeutically
File Under: Nutty Sisters-In-Law
Dear Margo: My very good friend is getting married this summer and asked me to officiate at her wedding. She asked late last year, and I’ve been planning and getting things arranged to make that happen, as she lives 12 hours away. (I’d be taking time off from work and driving to her.)
My sister-in-law recently discovered she’s expecting and has three dates in mind for her baby shower. Unfortunately, these dates are all within a month of my friend’s wedding, and she lives 10 hours in the opposite direction. My s-i-l and I have not had a close relationship, but it’s been improving in the past few months. However, when I told her of my prior commitment, and that it meant I wouldn’t be able to afford to travel to her baby shower, she decided that I am not welcome to visit her, her husband and their child at any point after the birth.
I feel the fact that I am officiating at a wedding gives it priority over a shower. I guess what I want is not only validation that I’m doing the right thing, but also perhaps reassurance that I will not be cut out of my s-i-l and niece/nephew’s life. — Nervous
Dear Nerv: It’s a baby shower, for Pete’s sake; the baby’s not getting married. A shower is simply an afternoon of presents and petit fours. Your s-i-l is way off base and sounds rather self-centered and perhaps not all that bright. I can’t imagine she would “disown” you for your absence, but if she were to do that, she is really out to lunch. I would send a little present and hope that calms her down. Don’t give it another thought. — Margo, amazedly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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