Dear Amy: My wife and I have a 9-month-old daughter.
My wife doesn’t want our daughter to be cared for at my parents’ house because she is worried about the outdated “baby gear” my mother has held onto.
My mom has the crib that I slept in, the highchair that my grandmother had for her children, plus a number of toys that are more than 30 years old.
My wife is concerned about the drop-side crib and the lack of safety strap on the highchair.
My wife has no issues with my parents watching our daughter at our home, just at theirs.
All of my nieces and nephews have used this equipment, and they are fine.
My wife suggested that we buy a new highchair and crib for my parents’ house, but I know my mother would be offended.
How do I get my wife to realize that because something is old doesn’t mean it’s no good? — Need Help in N.Y.
Dear Need Help:
Just because something is old doesn’t mean it’s no good, but the reverse is also true: Just because something is old, doesn’t mean that it is good.
Some of these older things are probably fine, while others should be replaced.
The older crib and highchair, which have seen decades of use, might no longer be safe. Just because other children have used these periodically and are “fine,” it doesn’t mean these antiques are still suitable.
You should apply the same judgment you’d use to the idea of your baby riding in a classic ’57 Chevy without a child seat. Plenty of children in 1957 and afterward survived the experience, but — within reason — you should try to minimize avoidable hazards to your child.
Your wife is being careful. That’s the job of every conscientious parent. It’s not personal, and your mother should be encouraged to understand this.
Dear Amy: Yesterday I went for a haircut. My hairdresser took a call from a telemarketer and left me sitting with dripping wet hair for 10 minutes. She admitted it was a silly call, but she decided to stay on the phone.
Later, she started talking politics and religion.
I reminded her that I don’t discuss these topics because people have the right to believe what they like, and I don’t like to get into heated discussions.
She continued to rant, knowing full well that I was uncomfortable. She made fun of my church and my conservative beliefs. I sat there saying nothing.
I was shaking when I left.
How do you leave a hairdresser that you have been seeing for 20 years?
I thought of writing her a letter. What do you think? — Feeling Attacked
Dear Feeling: It boggles the mind that you are spending one moment wondering how to leave this toxic relationship.
If you want to tell this hairdresser off, then go ahead and write her a letter. I don’t recommend this because she sounds like the sort of person who might use it against you in another context.
The most effective way to leave this relationship is to find someone else to cut your hair and let your business do the walking and your money do the talking.
You can post a review of this (or any) business on the website .
Dear Amy: I am responding to the letter from the woman who feels her ex disparaged her while going through a divorce. She had lost a lot of friends.
I went through an extremely difficult divorce, and my ex told anyone who would listen all kinds of untruths about me.
My wonderful counselor said I should tell the truth to the people I care about and let the rest go because they didn’t matter in my life anyway.
I did, and it was the best advice I’ve ever been given! — Happily Divorced
Dear Divorced: That is excellent advice, and I’m happy to pass it along.
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