I don’t love soccer. I don’t love the World Cup. I am a heathen, a heretic. I am an ugly American. I deserve to be burned at the stake.
I’ve honestly tried to fall in love with the “world’s beautiful game.” I really have.
Some of my favorite people are gaga over the sport. My nephew, Dylan, plays high school and club soccer and also loves to watch the sport. My cousin, John, played the game and now coaches a high-level club team. We played golf the other day and John wore his bright orange Netherland World Cup hat.
Very cool hat, very dull sport. (Or, as the New York Post put it following the United States’ exit,
Oops, there, I said it. Soccer bores me. Once I’ve soaked up color, pageantry and hype of the World Cup, I’m left with the game on the pitch. While I admire the skills and the athleticism, watching that ball bounce around that giant field while I wait … and wait … for a shot on goal puts me to sleep. And all of the flopping, moaning and writhing on the ground just makes me laugh.
I know, I know, I don’t get the strategy of the game. I don’t grasp the nuances. I suppose if I had played the game, I would like it more. Perhaps.
So, what inspired my rant on this day glorious summer day when Uruguay takes on the Netherlands in the semifinals?
I’m sick and tired of people — including some writers here at this newspaper — telling me I’m shallow if I don’t love soccer. I was talking to a woman in the lunchroom the other day and I told her I just wasn’t into the World Cup.
“How can you not like the World Cup?!” she said, her face cringing in dismay. “The whole rest of the world loves it! It’s only America that doesn’t get it.”
I am so tired of that argument. I don’t expect the rest of the world to love American football or baseball. What does it matter if Americans don’t wrap their arms around soccer once their kids have outgrown youth leagues?
Listen, I love a well-played, well-pitched 1-0, 2-1 baseball game. Many other people find it incredibly boring. That’s fine; I doesn’t matter to me if others find a pitching duel deadly dull.
So here’s my final advice to soccer fans: Go crazy, love your sport, wear your colors and marvel at the athletic dance on the field. Just quit preaching to us non-believers.
Trivia time
OK, soccer fans (those of you still reading), here is a question just for you. What is the highest-scoring game in World Cup history? (Answer below)
Polling
Wednesday’s “Lunch Special” poll asked readers if they think Tiger Woods will break out of his slump and overtake Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major championships. According to nearly 58 percent of the voters, Tiger will be great again and surpass Nicklaus.
Quotable
ESPN’s Rick Reilly, writing about the
“And if he pulls this off? A guy who retired old five years ago? That would be like John Elway winning a Super Bowl at 41, Jack Nicklaus winning a Masters at 60, Liz Taylor marrying Robert Pattinson. ‘Oh, man,’ Armstrong says. ‘This would be bigger than all seven (tour wins) combined.'”
Blog spot
The Post’s Adrian Dater has a nice read about the “He was a true legend of the game, the best fighter ever,” writes Dater. “I just texted with old friend Ian Laperriere and he said Probert was the ‘scariest player he ever played against, for sure,’ and he meant that as a sincere compliment.”
In case you missed it
Octopus oracle Paul — sort of the Puxatony Phil of the World Cup — is predicting Spain will beat Germany in Wednesday’s World Cup semifinal by choosing a winning mussel from two jars in his tank. It’s a weird tradition, but no weirder than a groundhog telling us the end of winter is near or far. But if you just have to know more about Germany’s “psychic” octopus,
This day in sports
Baseball’s All-Star Game made its debut on July 6, 1933 at Chicago’s Comiskey Park. According to “The Baseball Almanac,” it was initiated at the insistence of Arch Ward, a sports editor for the Chicago Tribune, to coincide with the celebration of the city’s “Century of Progress” Exposition.
The star of the show, of course, was Babe Ruth. Though he was getting fat and aging, The Babe still hit the first home run in All-Star Game history, a two-run shot to right-field stands in the bottom of the third. Ruth’s American League team beat the National League 4-2 in front of 49,200 fans.
Trivia answer
Austria beat Switzerland 7-5 in the 1954 quarterfinals.
Patrick Saunders: 303-954-1720 or psaunders@denverpost.com
