Dear Margo: I think my husband is addicted to porn. We recently visited Las Vegas and had a fairly good time, even though he lost all the cash we had at the slot machines. But that’s a different letter. While there, we were going to see a show but couldn’t agree on which one. I wanted to see one of the highly recommended shows like Cirque du Soleil, but he wanted to see one of the erotic nude shows.
I am not interested in seeing any type of show with naked people in it. I don’t know why he thinks I would find that enjoyable, when I could be seeing “The Phantom of the Opera” or something good. He says next time we go to Vegas, we will each pick a show and then go see the other’s show with them. Should I agree and then, when the show makes my stomach hurt, excuse myself to go to the restroom and not come back? I don’t want to see other men naked. And all I think about is that our daughter is 19 and how would I feel if she were baring her body for hundreds of men? — Am I a Prude?
Dear Am: I have not been to Vegas since Bugsy Siegel was in charge, but I feel certain a big production with semi-naked showgirls is not what you are imagining. I would go for his “you pick one, I pick one” idea. And do remember, your 19-year-old daughter is not performing. You have somehow made more of this than it is worth. And I would not want to see naked men on a stage, either. That is why they do not have such a show in Las Vegas. — Margo, open -mindedly
Being Party-Averse Is Not Abnormal
Dear Margo: I’m really desperate for an honest opinion because I’m starting to doubt myself. I have always been a quiet, keep-to-myself kind of person. I have a small group of friends and family I spend time with, but I do prefer to do most things alone. I am friendly and quick to smile and always say “hi” to my neighbors. For my kids, I participate in birthday parties, school field trips, slumber parties and play dates. But since I have never enjoyed the party scene, my ex makes a point of informing everyone (including my neighbors) that I am “anti-social.”
Recently, a new family moved in downstairs. They quickly befriended everyone on our side of the complex, and their small family BBQs have escalated to include almost all of our neighbors at least three times a week. They gather at the bottom of my stairs, making it difficult for me to come and go without walking through the middle of their party. Plus, I have to close all my windows and doors to keep the strong smell of weed out. I have started to wonder whether there is something wrong with me, that maybe I should join them and start bonding. Am I anti-social? Is it wrong of me to feel uncomfortable and not enjoy constant socializing? — Abnormal or Private?
Dear Ab: If you are anti-social, then so am I. The actual definition is being “unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people.” From what you write, you do not qualify. There is nothing wrong with wanting time to yourself and often preferring solitude to making small talk with others. (And with young children, really, how much solitude can there be?) One’s internal makeup determines the degree of wanting to be alone or in a group. Some people are just shy, which should not be confused with being anti-social. In your case, choosing not to party at thrice-weekly BBQs, with pot smoking included, sounds like a good decision to me. Forget the ex’s needling “diagnosis” and live your life. — Margo, empathetically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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