Dear Amy: I am a member of an online group for an organization that I work for.
The CEO of this organization uses this group to not only send out relevant e-mails but also political e-mails that endorse her candidate.
She wants the members of this group to join the party, go to events and donate money.
This is extremely unprofessional, and the CEO should not use this group to send nonrelevant e-mails.
Is it just me, or should I say something to her? What should I say? — Not That Party
Dear Not: I agree with you that soliciting for a candidate and asking for money is not the appropriate use for an online group if the group is exclusive to your workplace.
If there is an individual who runs this network, he or she should contact all the members to remind them of the purpose of the group and the protocol surrounding contact.
Obviously, the CEO of your company may feel she is beyond the normal work rules regarding political statements or solicitations.
You should take your concerns to the human resources department at your workplace to see if it has advice for you.
Depending on the size of your organization and your relationship (if any) to the CEO, and if you feel comfortable, you could communicate directly to her to say, “I’m not sure what to do when you send notices about your political candidate. I feel this creates some pressure to comply and donate money.”
Dear Amy: As a minister, here’s my input for “Concerned,” the woman who was planning to marry her military fiance in a civil ceremony. Her mother didn’t want them to have sex until they had been married in a religious ceremony.
First, it may be helpful for her mother to sit down with a trusted clergy member to talk about the way her particular religion views civil marriage ceremonies.
Unless they are Catholic or Orthodox, chances are that their part of the Christian tradition recognizes a civil marriage as valid, meaning that sex is completely OK!
Perhaps an easier fix than trying to get her mother to rethink her theology about marriage would be to ask a member of the clergy to perform the small ceremony now.
While many of us do require some sort of premarital counseling, I’m sure Concerned and her fiance can find a clergy member who will work with their timeline.
Many clergy members, when asked to do a religious ceremony after the fact of a civil ceremony, actually do a modified ceremony that blesses the union rather than creates it.
Speaking personally, I would be delighted if for once I were asked to perform a wedding ceremony that was not all about show and focused on the substance of getting married. — Erica Schemper, associate pastor for children and youth, Fox Valley Presbyterian Church, Geneva, Ill.
Dear Erica: One of the “concerns” raised by this writer was that her mother might not pay for a wedding reception if she knew the couple had had sex after their civil ceremony (but before the religious one).
I suggested that anyone mature enough to marry into the military (with a husband about to ship out to serve his country) should also be willing and ready to stand up to her mother.
Clergy could help this family sort things out, as you suggest. Thank you.
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