Dear Margo: My boyfriend, “Mark,” and I have been dating for two and a half years. We recently moved in together, against the cautions of everyone who told us we were “too young” (20 and 23). Honestly, we’ve become closer and feel our relationship is stronger. Living together has helped us know each other better. We argue less, and I spend every morning waking up in the arms of someone who loves me. We planned to be married after I finished my associate’s degree. However, I suffer from severe endometriosis. The pain is immense and at times unbearable. My doctor keeps it under control with Depo shots and prescription pain relief, letting me lead a normal life — going to school, doing my ESL tutoring and working an almost full-time job.
The problem is that my insurance will soon run out. I don’t qualify for any through work, and I can’t afford it otherwise. When Mark learned what was going on, his suggestion was to get married sooner so I could continue receiving health care through his insurance. He loves me, and his explanation is that when you love someone, you do what you can to take care of them. My concern is that people will think that because we’re getting married for insurance, I’m just using him. — Concerned but in Love
Dear Con: As they used to say, you are putting the emPHAsis on the wrong syllAble. I hope you will get married toute de suite and forgo telling anyone you are advancing your wedding due to insurance issues. Yours will not be a green card marriage in any sense, so stop worrying what other people might think. Hint: If you don’t mention it, they won’t think it. — Margo, pragmatically
When high school friends resurface
Dear Margo: I’ve been married for 20 years, during which time my husband has never given me any reason to mistrust him. He is a good father with a strong sense of responsibility, and he takes his marriage vows seriously.
A couple of years ago, after 30-plus years, he reconnected with his high school friends through the Internet. He’s met a few of these friends during his travels, and some of them have even come for dinner. Here comes the situation. He’s been going to Paris every three months or so for business, where two of the high school friends live. One is a married male friend, “Sam.” The other is a divorced female friend, “Lila.” All three have gotten together for dinner, but on a couple of occasions, Sam couldn’t make it, so my husband had dinner with Lila.
I know he has no romantic feelings for her, but I’m still uncomfortable with his having dinner with her alone. Just because something hasn’t happened in the past doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future. Since the Paris trips will continue, I worry about the prospect of him meeting Lila alone at nice restaurants. Even if there is no intention, it is not wise to put yourself in a position where an evening with a couple of extra glasses of wine could lead to something unforeseen. Am I being paranoid? Would I be overreacting if I asked him not to see Lila alone? — Stewing
Dear Stew: Either you trust him or you don’t. I don’t know if “paranoid” is the right word, but you are manufacturing something to worry about. I think you would seem insecure and controlling if you asked that he only see Lila with the male classmate present. Playing the “what if?” game will only get you a stomachache (and perhaps the fish eye), so assume there is nothing untoward going on in the City of Light until you have reason to think otherwise. A guy’s record should count for something. — Margo, fairly
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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