Dear Margo: I am a young (early 20s) Muslim woman. For more than 10 years, I chose to wear a scarf on my head, but my problem is that I don’t want to wear it anymore. I started wearing it on my own because I believed in it, but I’ve been reconsidering for several years now after much thought and study.
I wish I could just take it off, but there are problems. One, my family is very religious and would freak out if I did. (I tried to bring up the subject once, and they were horrified.) I am a college grad currently looking for a job but haven’t found one yet, so I’m stuck at home and, therefore, financially dependent on them. Two, should I take it off, the small, tight-knit Muslim community in which I live would talk endlessly about it, which would “ruin” my family’s reputation. At the moment, they are held in high regard, particularly my dad, who is seen as a religious leader. I don’t want to shame my family or alienate myself from them, which is what would happen if I took it off. We are close. Just to make it clear, my family members are not religious extremists in any sense, just devoted to their religion and terrified that I am drifting away from it. What to do? — To Wear or Not To Wear
Dear To: As you know, this issue is a hot-button subject both here and abroad. Some people feel that Muslims in the U.S. should dress as we do. Others feel one’s religion is something you carry with you, wherever you are. In your particular case, because you are living at home and the issue has great import for your family (as well as your community), I would continue wearing the scarf. Should you, however, in the future find yourself living apart from them, in a different community, that, I think, would be the time to do as you like. — Margo, situationally
A tough spot to be in
Dear Margo: I have known “Ryan” for about seven years and have been in love with him for a year. He was a senior during my freshman year of high school, and we’ve always kept in contact. We talk every day throughout the day, from morning until one of us falls asleep at night. We have been there for each other (not in the same town) through relationships, and we both want the same things in life.
I finally told him I like him, but he said our situation is a recipe for disaster. We are about two hours away from each other, and he is about to graduate from college, while I am slowly paying my way through. This is the most wonderful man I’ve ever known and the only one to meet the “qualities” list I made after my last relationship. My question is: Could our relationship make it, or is he right that it would only end with broken hearts? I love this man, and I will remain his friend, but my heart longs for so much more, and so does he. — Longing for His Heart in Texas
Dear Long: Alas, I am not in a position to predict success in a possible relationship. Actually, no one is. I suspect you are alone on this romantic track. When you say “so does he” in regard to longing for more, I would beg to differ. If he were interested in going in that direction, he would. I suspect he has great platonic affection for you but does not feel the romantic piece. Time may change his mind, I don’t know. If it’s too difficult for you to have the daily check-ins, perhaps take a break from them. And do bear in mind an old saying that makes a lot of sense: It is easier to ride a horse in the direction in which it is going. — Margo, empathetically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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