Dear Amy: This summer, my husband and I made substantial gifts of money as graduation gifts to a niece, a nephew and the child of a close friend — all of whom were graduating from college.
The friend’s son thanked us verbally when he opened the card at his graduation party but never sent a thank-you note.
The niece and nephew did not thank us in person, which was understandable because the cards were not opened at their party.
However, six weeks have passed since the party, the checks have been cashed and we have not received a phone call or a note from either one.
The fact that we did not receive even a phone call of thanks has left us feeling very disappointed and undecided as to how to follow up.
Among the options we considered was calling the parents, but these recipients are in their 20s, and it is not their parents’ responsibility.
Another option we considered was to send a follow-up note ourselves, expressing our disappointment. (Since the checks were cashed, we can’t use the excuse of “We want to know if you received the gift.”)
These are great kids, but we feel that they should know our feelings and learn to do the right thing.
Any ideas? — Disappointed Aunt
Dear Disappointed: I love those newfangled greeting cards that let you record your own audio message, which automatically plays when the recipient opens the card.
You and your husband could strike a blow for disappointed gift givers everywhere, while having a little fun.
Borrow a beat from Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” to play behind your “gift rap.”
Here you go:
“We watched you graduate
And enjoyed it all,
We gave you a check
And, what … no call?
We don’t like to whine,
But the gift was banked;
The next thing that should happen
Is to make sure we’re thanked.”
At the bottom of the card, you should write, “All kidding aside, we really mean it.”
Dear Amy: My brother- in-law asked his longtime girlfriend to marry him.
Her answer to his marriage proposal came with a few points of contention.
Since he has yet to complete his undergraduate degree, she told him she will give him an answer about marriage when he graduates. She gave him a deadline to finish the degree or she would break up with him.
My brother-in-law is heartbroken because he thinks she’s not willing to go the distance and doesn’t trust him.
Her concerns are legitimate because, let’s face it, he needs to get serious about his future and she has already completed her bachelor’s degree.
Neither of them has a job at the moment. Both are in their mid-20s.
But who’s in the right here? Should she have given him the ultimatum? Or should she just trust him and say yes to marriage?
I’ve been married a long time now, and I know firsthand that marriage is hard work, so to start off a new life with ultimatums and conditions sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Any advice? — Concerned in Chicago
Dear Concerned: This girlfriend isn’t saying, “Once you graduate, we’ll start to plan our marriage.” She’s saying, “Once you graduate, we’ll discuss marriage.”
The concept of graduating before marriage sounds responsible to me, though it’s obvious from your account that she delivered this news very poorly — or your brother-in-law interpreted it that way.
I am with you. I don’t like ultimatums. I like conversations, negotiation, compromise and understanding. But in delivering her ultimatum, she revealed exactly where she stands.
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