Dear Amy: I am on the verge of losing my boyfriend of five years.
We are both of middle age and divorced. My children are almost out of the home.
He has joint custody of his 10-year-old son. We live close to one another and visit often.
I’m happy with that arrangement. He wants to live together and his patience is running out. Any thoughts? — Blue Moon
Dear Blue Moon: You don’t say whether you have discussed marriage, but if your boyfriend wants to live together and fold his young son into the household, then it would be best for the child if you two cohabited as a married, permanent couple.
You have to do what’s best for you. If you don’t want to get married, living nearby and seeing one another often while maintaining separate households sounds ideal in many ways.
Don’t let anyone push you into any living arrangement you don’t want. That is a recipe for certain failure for everyone.
Dear Amy: I have been married 20 years. We have three teenage children.
My problem is with my husband. I work to help support our family and I am in customer service, so I need to look professional at my job.
Every time I spend money on clothes, hair or even occasionally my nails, my husband tells me, “We can’t afford for you to keep spending money on yourself.”
I am depressed and don’t feel good about myself at all. I put my whole paycheck in the bank so he can pay the bills.
I have been going through this since I married him. I used to ignore him, but lately I can’t be around him, and I have thought more than a dozen times that I want to divorce him. How should I handle this situation?— Depressed Wife
Dear Depressed: The obvious solution is for both you and your husband to hold an agreed-upon amount of money out of your paychecks to spend on your own hobbies, interests or needs.
As long as you are both staying within your budgets, you should agree not to comment on how you are spending your own funds.
We all hear that money is the most common tension point between couples — certainly lately, as the economy creates financial stress. You are right; fights over this and your husband’s commentary about your choices affect the household.
You two can work this out, but only with mutual cooperation.
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