Dear Margo: My parents adore their grandchildren and regularly do wonderful things for them and take them to lovely places. This past summer, they took them to the lake for a few days with my niece. My children are 11 and 7, and my niece is also 7. My father provides childcare for my niece while my sister works. The main problem is that my parents do not discipline my niece when it’s called for, and sometimes she almost seems to be rewarded for bratty, whiny behavior.
Her behavior on this past trip was so bad that I felt she endangered the safety of my children. She jumped on top of my daughter and was not punished at all. My dad just seems too old to handle children, and my stepmom simply has no clue what to do. They told my kids and my niece that next summer they are taking them to New York for four days. After this past trip, I just don’t think this can happen. New York is a busy city, and if my parents are attending to one of my niece’s many tantrums, they will not be able to adequately watch my children. I have this fear that my youngest will be left on a subway or in a cab. They also put too much pressure on my oldest child to help out with everything.
Now my husband is furious with them and with me because he really wanted to take the children to New York first, and he doesn’t trust my parents, either. My children are also mad at me because we’ve said they will not be going to New York with their grandparents. I don’t know how this situation has spun out of control, and I’m also unhappy that I have to feel like the bad guy in this situation. — Mom in the Middle
Dear Mom: Forget being the bad guy. That designation only comes up in a mother’s life maybe 8,000 times before the kids are grown up.
The first thing you should do is discuss the situation with your sister. She clearly needs to up the ante on the discipline front when she is at home, and do share your concerns that your dad may be too old to look after little kids, and his wife doesn’t seem cut out for the job, either. I think your children will be cool with the idea that their dad wants to take them on their first trip to NYC. And I would be forthright in explaining the reduction of time spent alone with their cousin and grandparents. Don’t be shy about saying safety matters to you, and Grandpa is too permissive for your taste. — Margo, immovably
It Can’t Be a Coincidence
Dear Margo: I seem to have a five-year itch for just about everything: relationships, geography, jobs. Do you think it’s them or me? — Stuck
Dear Stuck: Well, that’s certainly a precise question. Knowing little else besides the fact that everything in your life lasts for about five years, I would hazard the guess that it’s you. I don’t know how the number 5 became your default limit, and I’m not sure there’s a way to find out, but you might want to try. Perhaps some sessions with a psychologist just batting the issue around may help you understand what is at work, because I am guessing you might like some things to last longer than five years. It is interesting that in numerology that number represents action and restlessness. (Ahem.) — Margo, numerically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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