Dear Amy: I have a touchy situation regarding my neighbor and his house.
My neighbor works in another state and is not able to return home on a regular basis. He is in his early 60s.
He has a very close friend who is around the same age. They have been friends since high school. The friend has a key to the house so that he can check on it occasionally.
Over an extended period of time, I have seen this friend bring a woman (not his wife) to the house. It is obvious that he is bringing her there for sexual reasons. I don’t know whether I should inform my neighbor of this activity.
I am disgusted by the behavior on so many levels, but I’m also concerned that my neighbor probably has no idea what is going on in his house while he is away.
I guess the main reason that I’m so torn is the fact that they have been such close friends for so long.
Should I talk to my neighbor or keep my mouth shut and turn the other way? — Not Nosy Neighbor
Dear Neighbor: Your judgment about your neighbor’s friend’s behavior is immaterial. These two may have an “arrangement,” permitting this friend to use the house for whatever purposes he chooses.
Unless you feel the friend’s behavior is disruptive, dangerous or otherwise bad for the neighborhood (an adulterous assignation doesn’t qualify), there is no reason to report it. Nor is there any reason to deliberately shield your neighbor from knowledge of this.
If your neighbor contacts you, asking if everything is OK with his house, you could say, “Your friend seems to spend quite a bit of time there.”
Otherwise, leave it alone.
Dear Amy: “Lost on Location” wondered where all the “good men” are.
I spent many years wondering where to find good women, but, eventually, I gave up and started doing the things that made me a happier and better person.
That’s how I met my wife of 23 years. If you do this and don’t meet anyone, at least you will have improved your life in other areas.
If you are doing more of what you love, you become more interesting to the opposite sex. If you’re into sports, join a team or a gym or a bicycling group (coed). If you’re spiritual, join a church or a meditation group. Take a computer class, or learn Spanish. Do whatever interests you — and you’ll find people there who share your interests. — Learned the Great Way
Dear Great: It’s a little counterintuitive, but people looking for love and companionship need to look less and concentrate more on developing their own lives.
The advantage of this is that even if you don’t find the person of your dreams right away, you find yourself along the way. And the better and more fully realized your own life is, the happier, healthier, more confident (and attractive) you will be.
Dear Amy: My husband has been friends with “John” since childhood. John and his wife and my husband and I have been friends for years.
John e-mails porn to us every day. I delete his forwards. Our granddaughter opened one of these e-mails and couldn’t believe we have a friend like that.
I have asked him many times to stop, and he keeps sending this junk to us.
My husband and I are disgusted. What can I do? — E
Dear E: You’ve asked your friend to stop, and he doesn’t respect your wishes.
From now on you should assign every e-mail from your friend’s e-mail address to be sent directly to your “spam” folder. Then mail from his address won’t sully your inbox.
Every now and then, take a deep breath and check your spam folder to make sure nothing valuable got parked there.
Then you can drag it directly to the trash.
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