Dear Amy: I have been married for 10 years.
I had a female friend, “Betsy,” immediately before my relationship with my wife. We never dated, but I suspect that she was interested in the possibility.
Once I started seeing my wife, this friend fell off my social radar screen. I had often wondered what became of her, and her name has popped up in conversations with my wife over the years.
Fast-forward 15 years.
I recently ran into her. We had a lovely conversation and exchanged numbers. She is still single.
I told my wife that I had run into her and that we exchanged contact information. My wife got offended and told me to “delete her.”
When I didn’t immediately agree to this, she said I wasn’t honoring her feelings.
She said I should delete Betsy because she is still single and wasn’t a “true friend.” I think that my wife would really like Betsy. I think this is an opportunity for us to have a new friend in our lives.
She thinks you (Amy) would say that I should honor her feelings and “delete” Betsy, but I have read your advice that if she could be friends with both of us, there shouldn’t be a problem.
I have never been unfaithful and have never given my wife any reason to suspect that I could be. What do you think? I will do whatever you say. — Modern Husband
Dear Husband: It is important for spouses to honor each other’s feelings, but your wife isn’t expressing a feeling — she is making a demand.
You should respect the other’s feelings, and you should also give friendship a chance. If you get to know Betsy as a couple, and if your wife gets a feeling in her gut that this person is a threat to your relationship, then, yes, you should honor her sensitivity.
Dear Amy: I live in a “snow belt” state. For the past several years, my friend and neighbor has used my snow blower to plow his driveway. I have been happy to let him use it.
After 15 years, my snow blower died, so I purchased a new one.
The new model is more complicated and requires precise care during its use. With my old snow blower, my neighbor did not really respect the machine.
I would explain the importance of following certain guidelines when going through deep snow or ice. He always ignored them. When the machine broke, I could fix it myself.
The new model is much more sensitive and would require a mechanic to perform the repairs.
My neighbor is in his early 60s. I don’t think he will buy his own machine because he plans on retiring to a warmer climate in a few years.
I know he will want to use the snow blower again this winter, but I am reluctant to lend it to him because of my fear that he will break the machine. What should I do? — Stuck in a Snowdrift
Dear Stuck: There’s no way to shovel around this issue — so you’re going to have to blow on through it.
Tell your friend that you won’t be able to repair the new blower the way you did your previous one.
Because of this, his choices are that he can either agree to pay for any repairs to your machine, or he might want to purchase a used blower for himself for the next few winters. Looking on , I found several for sale for under $200.
Dear Amy: Why on earth would you tell “Hurt Teen” that dating is fun?
Her parents are doing the right thing by preventing her from dating. They are sparing her a great deal of pain. Dating is worse than going on job interviews. There, all they are judging is what a person does. On dates a person is being judged for who he or she is. Dating is never fun. — So Hating Dating
Dear Hating: Dating might not be “fun” (for you), but love is grand. I highly recommend it.
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