Dear Margo: This isn’t about relationships. It’s an ethical question. I live in a small town that has a thrift shop to benefit the volunteer fire department. It sells mostly dowdy junk, and prices are low. Recently, I downsized and gave them a lot of very nice stuff — furniture, housewares, even some good jewelry. When I went in there a while later, I was surprised to see that none of my donations was for sale. I mentioned this to a friend who used to volunteer at the shop, and she told me the volunteers buy almost all of the nice stuff for themselves. They pay what the items would be priced — if they were offered — but of course, the prices are low.
Some of these people, I’ve learned, have side businesses selling their finds on eBay. I don’t know what to think. On the one hand, my reasons for donating to the shop were to get rid of things I didn’t want and to benefit the fire department. These objectives, I guess, were achieved. I also believe that when you give something, you give it with no strings attached. On the other hand, I don’t think it’s fair for the less affluent people who patronize the shop to never get a chance at anything nice, so I feel sort of funny about giving them anything more. — Anne
Dear Anne: Your letter rings a bell. A girlfriend recently told me she had discovered the same thing with the thrift shop in her town. I can understand your feelings of pique at the inequality involved in the operation. What these volunteers are doing is self-serving, annoying and understandable, and probably speaks to human nature. You might suggest, referencing the better quality items you donated, that this shop consider a boutique idea. You could also stop giving them things for resale. The bottom line, however, is that if these items are priced fairly, someone is going to buy them; the intended beneficiary profits; and the practice of “insider trading” (getting first dibs) could be regarded as the incentive for people to volunteer in the first place. — Margo, alternatively
Weirded out in the teacher’s lounge
Dear Margo: This is really above my pay grade, and I had no idea how to respond. Not only has this never happened to me, but I’ve never heard of such a thing before.
I am a fairly new teacher in a private school. (And this is my first teaching job.) An older woman teacher here took me aside in the teacher’s lounge to ask “a favor.” She and her husband were having a rough time, she said. They couldn’t seem to agree on anything, and she asked whether I would consider being a “mediator” as a neutral third party. She said they didn’t trust marriage counselors. I was just stunned and said I didn’t think it would be comfortable for me or positive for them. What do you think is going on here? — Needing Insight
Dear Need: All I can say for sure is that this woman does not have very good judgment. On the plus side, she probably decided you had good sense and would make a suitable referee. I actually don’t know which would be a worse idea: to ask someone the couple knew well or to ask a relative stranger. In any case, you escaped jury duty, so let it ride and hope she does, too. — Margo, bizarrely
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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