Q. I have a problem that I wonder if others have. I am unable to empty my bowels in any bathroom besides my own. My big concern: I have been invited to stay at my in-laws’ this Thanksgiving. The last time I visited them, I didn’t “go” till I got home the next afternoon. What can I do? — Yvette, Philadelphia
A. In Britain they call it “loo phobia.” In North America, we refer to it as “bashful bowels.” (We’ve never met a condition that didn’t have a fancy Latin name. This one’s is “parcopresis.”) Fear of using a toilet outside your home is a form of social phobia, an anxiety disorder. It can make you avoid leaving the house or drastically change your diet or take anti-diarrhea meds to make you constipated so you can go out.
There’s no quick fix for visiting your in-laws, but most anxiety disorders respond to desensitization treatments: A therapist helps you understand and adapt to the situation that rattles you until it’s no longer fearful. Cognitive behavioral therapy is another option, in which you challenge your thoughts (no, no, I can’t go) and learn more rational ones (whaddayah know, yes I can).
You’ve already taken the first step: You initiated this little potty talk. Good for you for writing to us.
— Helen, Winter Park, Fla.
Q. I’m 80 and having trouble sleeping. This is new for me. Are there natural sleep aids I can take?
A. Sleep patterns change as you age. Young Dr. Oz (he recently turned 50) will soon discover this (Dr. Mike already has a clue). You tend to fall asleep earlier and wake up earlier than when you were younger. You’re more likely to wake up during the night, have fewer periods of refreshing rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, sleep more lightly and have insomnia. This pattern is not set in stone. A new Chinese study says that as long as you’re healthy, starting around 60 or so, the older you get, the better you sleep.
Before you try any sleep aids, have a chat with yourself. Maybe you have a health condition — painful joints or nighttime heartburn — that’s disturbing your sleep, or you’re taking a drug, like a diuretic, that’s causing you to make midnight trips to the bathroom. Talk to your doc about timing meds that wake you or keep you from drifting off to dreamland.
Over the long term, lifestyle changes work better than sleeping pills anyway. Here’s a quick tip sheet: Avoid alcohol, caffeine and nicotine, especially in the afternoon and evening. Turn off all electronics (anything with a screen) at least an hour before bed; those flickering lights keep your brain alert. Go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Keep your bedroom temperature cool. Limit naps. Limit liquids within a few hours of bedtime. Take some kind of exercise for 30 minutes every day, though not too close to turning in.
Q. Both my grandmothers had strokes six weeks apart. My mother has had two strokes. What are my chances? — Anonymous
A. On the surface, the odds don’t look good. But in life’s game of chance, you can create a lot of your own luck, despite the odds. Put another way, just because you rolled genetic snake eyes in the stroke department doesn’t mean you’ll crap out. Sure, genes affect your risk (like other things, from blue eyes to a Judy Garland voice), but you can do a lot to decide whether anything pulls the trigger.
So change the things you can change that will help you beat the odds: Don’t smoke, and if you do, quit. Stay at a healthy weight. Do whatever you need to do to get your blood pressure to 11 5/75. Walk for 30 minutes a day, every day. Find a passion in life and do it. Learn to manage your stress.
Eat like a Mediterranean: minimal meat and saturated fat, a rainbow of vegetables and fruits, legumes and nuts, low/no-fat dairy, 100 percent whole grains, and, if you drink, a glass of red wine a day. Finally, talk to your doc about taking DHA omega-3s, vitamin D-3 and two baby aspirins a day.
Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dr. Michael Roizen are authors of “You: On a Diet.” Submit questions at .
