She has planned weddings for young women who make Bridezilla look like Snow White and organized holiday parties where Santa spent too much time at the punch bowl.
Donna Vessey, CEO of a Colorado Springs-based event-planning business, has handled every difficult guest imaginable. Her company, Donna Vessey Events LLC, () has planned thousands of events across the country over the past 10 years, from small dinner parties to public extravaganzas involving nationally known bands and comedians.
Planning is key, she says. “When the champagne bottles start opening, people resort to behavior that really is cliche. Over the years, I’ve learned that when guests get trashed at a party, they tend to want to dance on the tables,” she says. “I always ensure there are designated drivers. And, of course, I make sure we have sturdy tables.”
Q: What are some common mistakes hosts make when hosting a holiday party?
A: Stressing out is the most common mistake. If you’re unnerved, it will show, and your guests will be uncomfortable. Make a checklist and start planning the party well in advance, and you can prevent that from happening. And remember, most things that go wrong will work themselves out one way or another. Use your great sense of humor to smooth things over. Relax and have fun. It’s a party!
Q: The family is ready to gather around the table, awaiting a fine roast beef dinner. The smell of something burning wafts into the room. Well-done doesn’t even begin to cover the blackened roast that comes out of the oven. What to do?
A: Proudly announce that the new Cajun recipe for blackened beef you’ve been trying to perfect was a total success. Then shave off the worst of it and serve it up. If it’s not salvageable, rely on the side dishes, or dash out to a market and hit the deli for some ready-made dishes.
Q: You’ve invited the entire staff over for a holiday party. Your co-worker Bob’s wife is stumbling, slurring and well on her way to wearing a lampshade on her head. How do you politely cut her off — or kick them out?
A: Enlist the help of a couple of friends to keep her away from the bar and try to find a lampshade that matches her outfit.
Q: Your family is gathered around the table for a holiday feast. All is well until your mother-in-law, as always, begins to criticize your cooking. And your hair. And your children. How do you keep the peace and allow the family to enjoy the dinner you’ve slaved over?
A: Agree with her. In your sexiest voice, say, “Oh, I can cook, just not in the kitchen!” Or, “Yes, I am having the worst bad hair day ever and I was going to shave it all off, but I didn’t have the time with all the cooking. And I agree, your grandchildren are devil spawn. I now know why some species eat their young.” As you are pour yourself another drink, know that this will certainly defuse the situation, and the rest of the family will have something to talk about at the next family gathering.
Q: How do you get rid of guests who linger too long at the end of the evening?
A: Stand up and say, “Oh, will you LOOK at the time. I’m so sorry we’ve kept you here so long. You must be exhausted.”
Q: What do you do when someone calls up to see if they can bring extra guests?
A: If it’s a formal dinner party and they call last minute, tell them, “Sure, if they don’t mind sitting in the living room until we’re finished with dinner.” If it’s a potluck, then it’s not a problem. Invite them to come on over.
Q: How do you handle no-shows at a dinner party?
A: First, find out if there was some tragedy that prevented them from calling or attending your dinner party. If not, you can always wrap up their leftovers and leave the package on their front porch with a note that reads, “Sorry we missed you last night.”
Q: What happens when someone breaks something of yours or spills red wine on your white sofa?
A: It’s always a good policy to drunk-proof your house before a party. If you have a white or light carpet or furniture, stick to white wine. Don’t pull out your best crystal glasses if you expect a big crowd. But if someone breaks something, try to be gracious and put them at ease. If they spill red wine on the sofa, tell them you’ve always wanted to add a little color to the room.
Q: You’re hosting a formal dinner party, grown-ups only, and a friend calls to say she can’t find a sitter. You wince as the next request comes along. She asks if she can bring along her rambunctious 4-year-old.
A: Tell her, “I’m sorry, but just like some rides at Disney World, this party has a height requirement.” Or tell her that her child would likely be bored, as no other kids will be attending, and you have nothing to amuse the child.
Q: Is it OK to send an e-mail of thanks after a party, or should it be handwritten?
A: It should always be handwritten. And don’t forget to apologize for your wife getting drunk, wearing your lampshade, spilling red wine on the sofa and showing up with her uninvited friend.
