Dear Amy: I got married when I was 18 to the man I had been with since age 15.
Our marriage lasted for a year and a half, and we ended up separating. Our divorce was finalized earlier this year.
Now I am 22.
I’m in college, making new friends and having a great time. I have a boyfriend. I’m in love with him and we live together.
I feel I can’t tell anyone about my past. I’m worried that people will look at me differently. I feel embarrassed that I already have a failed marriage in my past.
I have no regrets, really, but I just hate being 22 and divorced; it’s like I failed — and in the worst way.
My boyfriend knows about it and says it’s not a big deal.
He says it doesn’t change who I am, but I can’t help feeling like I have this secret.
I haven’t told my closest friends because I’m afraid it will change the way they look at me. I know they will still be my friends, but I don’t want them to be ashamed of me.
I just want to know how I can get over this and not let my past get in the way of my present and future. — Regretful
Dear Regretful: If you have no regrets, then why all the secrecy about the reality of your life?
It’s OK to have regrets. Most people’s lives are punctuated by at least a few.
The idea is to make sure you own your regrets, admit your mistakes, learn from your experiences and live an authentic life.
Your life does not have to be perfect. You shouldn’t have to harbor a secret from people who know and like you. If your marriage was a mistake, then say so. Who knows, someone else might learn from your experience.
You don’t have to make a big announcement about your past. Let this come out naturally. Be honest.
Friends tend to share stories about previous relationships. You should share yours.
Dear Amy: Whenever I go to my sister’s house, her dog jumps on me and scratches my legs.
My sister insists I’m to blame for the dog’s behavior because the dog somehow senses I’m nervous in its presence.
She says that if I’d just relax, the dog would leave me alone. I disagree, as I feel it’s the owner’s responsibility to train a dog not to behave in this manner.
Who is right? — Scared Sister
Dear Scared: You and your sister are both right.
Dogs have an amazing ability to detect human anxiety — and they react by being agitated or by trying to charm the person into submission.
However, no responsible pet owner would allow her dog to assault a visitor.
If her dog jumps on you, your sister should protect you and discipline the dog.
You might broker a peaceful solution by asking her to show you what you should do when this happens. Many dogs respond to a code word or command (“Down, Muffin!”), which achieves results.
Dear Amy: We are the Empowerment Group of West Bergen Mental Healthcare in Ridgewood, N.J., which is a community mental health center.
We are responding to your letter from “Depressed Student,” who was worried about telling her college friends that she has depression.
As members of the mental health community, we can relate to the topics of the stigma of depression and coping with mental health issues.
We appreciate your efforts to educate the public about misconceptions about mental health conditions and would like to see more columns focused on this.
Thank you for your interest in mental health issues. — The Empowerment Group
Dear Group: Depression is treatable, but it can’t be identified and treated unless people are willing to talk about it and be screened for the disease.
One helpful source for information on depression and other mental health issues is .
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
