Dear Amy: I am living with the man I expect to marry, and we have a wonderful relationship. His folks live in another city, and when they come to visit (about three times a year) they stay in our guest room. We enjoy their company for the most part, but there is one problem. I work a full-time job and have a long commute. On the weekends, I like to sleep in. If no one bothers me, I can sleep until 11 a.m. or noon, no problem!
Of course, when they come to visit, I try to get up earlier — like around 9:30 or 10.
This does not sit well with my future mother-in-law.
She will get up early and start grinding coffee beans, knock on our door and/or turn on the washing machine right outside our bedroom.
Amy, I’m nearly 40. This is my home, and while I enjoy hosting them, this is driving me crazy.
Is it OK for me to sleep in when I have guests who are up? Should I say something to her?
I have told her many times that I like to sleep in, but I assume she thinks it’s rude of me to do so. — Grumpy Without My Winks
Dear Grumpy: My personal take is that unless you work a swing shift, you should be able to drag your carcass out of bed by 9 a.m. when you have houseguests.
But you’re right: It’s your house. If you worked out, practiced the trombone or meditated in the morning, you would have a legitimate claim to your privacy; sleep qualifies.
It is rude of your guest to intentionally bang around in the morning.
Take this issue out of the realm of passive aggression and say to your future mother-in-law, “The coffee pot is all set up for morning, and breakfast food is ready in the fridge. Can you manage on your own until 9:30? I really do need to sleep until then.”
Dear Amy: I have been friends with a couple for more than 35 years. We have been through thick and thin. They are frequent guests of mine, and while visiting they have the run of my house.
Over the past few years, they have suffered some economic reverses because of the economy, some bad luck and a number of bad choices on their part. These conditions have affected their lifestyle, retirement plans, etc., but they are not exactly suffering.
I achieved some career success and am retired in a resort area. During their most recent visit, they were uncharacteristically hostile.
They confronted me about my politics and personal habits, and said I should be “more charitable.”
This past week, a mutual friend said this couple had told her that my aunt had died and left me a “windfall.”
This is true, but the only way for anyone to have known about this matter was to have gone through my personal papers in my home.
This is not only a breach of trust (the snooping) but is compounded by gossiping about me.
I don’t see any point in a confrontation, but I also don’t want them in my house again. What do I do? — Furious Friend
Dear Furious: You don’t want to confront your friends and you don’t want to host them again. So do nothing. Don’t contact them.
If they contact you, you should honestly react to their behavior the last time you saw them.
This is a very long-standing friendship and if it is possible to clear this up, you should try.
Dear Amy: “Reluctant” said he doesn’t feel comfortable making love to his wife while visiting friends as house guests.
I say, “Spice it up, man!” I’ve been happily married for almost 60 years, and there is a good reason.
My spouse and I know how to take advantage of opportunities to enhance our relationship. — Happy Man
Dear Happy: The mail is equally divided between people who think it’s fine to make love in a guest room, and hosts who don’t necessarily like the idea.
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