Dear Amy: “Perplexed” wrote to you, asking if he/she should report the “risky” behavior a cousin had bragged about.
You said this risky behavior should be reported to an adult.
Amy, do you not have any cousins?
In my neck of the woods, older cousins often tell lies to their younger cousins about their “cool” and “rebellious” behavior.
Since younger cousins look up to you anyway, and they tend to believe everything you say, you can build up your “cuz” rep by telling big, fat lies about yourself.
One thing that makes this easier is the “Cousin Code,” which makes it unacceptable for you to go to your relatives and tell on your cousins.
I hope Perplexed doesn’t break the Cousin Code and get the family worked up over this cousin’s likely untrue boasting. — Older Cuz in N.C.
Dear Cuz: I do have cousins. So I tossed your query to my own “older cuz,” Jan Smith, who is a former mental health counselor with lots of experience dealing with teens, including her own.
Here’s how she responded:
“Family relationships, cousin or otherwise, are governed by lots of ‘codes,’ and these vary from family to family. But if a youngster is troubled or anxious about a family member’s behavior, it’s wise for that young person to get guidance — in or out of the family.
“Parents are a great resource for many children and teens, but if that’s not possible, I would encourage talking to a school counselor.”
Jan also added a personal note: “Amy, when you were young, I discussed your behavior quite regularly with Aunt Lena, our family’s discipline guru, and you can see how well you turned out.”
Dear Amy: My biological father and his wife have been trying to get in contact with me via Facebook.
I haven’t spoken to either of them in more than five years and have no desire to; however, I want to know how to deal with the situation because their efforts to correspond don’t stop.
When I was an infant my parents divorced and my mother received full custody because my father couldn’t manage his alcoholism.
My mother remarried when I was 4 and I have come to know my stepfather as my true father.
When I was young, I attempted a relationship with my birth father but whenever I visited him he could not remain sober and after years I grew tired of this.
I don’t want a relationship with my father.
My stepfather was there for me through my childhood and encouraged me to follow my dreams.
I want to know what you think I should do about my genetic father. — Confused Son
Dear Son: You can block or ignore anyone trying to reach you via Facebook — or most other technologies.
Your father might back off if you respond by saying, “I understand you are eager to communicate with me, but I don’t wish to be in contact at this time. I assure you that if I do want to be in touch, I will contact you.”
Dear Amy: So, just how guilty do we want “Anxious Guy’s” girlfriend of six months to feel?
Her life before AG was hers and she was entitled to live it anyway she wished.
To have them “sit down and discuss every aspect of her past” (with, no doubt, a vow not to do any of those “nasty” things again) sounds a lot like the Spanish Inquisition and just as medieval.
Granted, Anxious Guy is entitled to know the score — but certainly not the players or the plays. — My Two Cents
Dear Two: “Anxious Guy’s” girlfriend didn’t seem to have regrets. She owned her life, and I liked that about her. I suggested that Anxious should have the opportunity to ask his questions, have them answered truthfully, and then move on.
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