Dear Amy: My husband has a habit of undoing things that I do for my son.
For instance, if I pick out a certain outfit for our son that my husband doesn’t like, he will make the child re-dress with clothes he likes better.
If I comb my son’s hair, he will re-comb it in a different way.
My husband’s excuse for this behavior is that our son will look better and be less likely to be picked on in school.
My son has never been picked on for the way he dresses or for his hair, nor does he care.
If our son picks out his own clothes (he is colorblind) or combs his own hair a certain way, the same scenario ensues.
I have been quietly tolerating this for a while (my husband does this with many other aspects in our lives), but I have been vocal about how this is not setting a good example for my son.
I feel that it undermines my credibility and also my equality in parenting.
I also feel it affects my son’s self-esteem, demonstrating to him that his way is not good enough. — Frustrated Mom
Dear Mom: Your son is not a pawn where you two can exercise your control issues.
You don’t say how old the child is, but if he is old enough to go to school, he should be picking out his own clothes (with some limited help if he needs it) and — for goodness’ sake — combing his own hair.
One of the most important lessons of early childhood is the idea that the child learns to make his own choices and understands the consequences of those choices. If you want a strong and confident child, you will guide — rather than control — him.
I agree with you that it is hard on a child’s self-esteem to have parents who control each other through him.
If your son is not being picked on at school, then this possibility should not be discussed in front of him. I could imagine the specter of being picked on by his peers could be paralyzing and frightening for a young child.
So stop it.
Dear Amy: I am 65 years old, and my significant other is 63. He is a self-professed “boob” man.
He recently booked a trip to a topless resort, and I am not happy with the thought of going.
I can’t imagine I am going to enjoy a week of sitting around topless with a bunch of hard bodies while my partner ogles what doubtless will be much better-looking bodies.
I can’t think of any 65-year- old woman who wants to compete with a slew of younger bodies for a week.
Am I being unreasonable? — Saggy 65
Dear Saggy: You’re not being unreasonable.
If your guy absolutely must go on a boob-watching trip and you aren’t interested in going, then don’t go. One advantage of being “significant others” is that occasionally you get to be “other” and go your own way.
If you are happy being with someone with this diverting hobby, then — by all means — tell him you will be awaiting his return.
Dear Amy: I love the letters you’re running about unsigned text messages people receive.
The funniest text I received was anonymous. The party sounded like they knew me and used my name. Even though I knew this was a wrong number because it was from out of state, I played along and answered with a funny comment of my own.
Turns out the person he was trying to reach had just one digit different than mine and the same first name as me!
We texted back and forth for about an hour. It was quite funny with my husband and his wife joining in the texts. — Still Chuckling
Dear Chuckling: This sounds like the start of a beautiful friendship.
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