Dear Amy: I fell deeply in love with “Sean” when we were in college, but we decided not to get married because my family opposed it.
Both of us married other people and had not been in contact for more than 15 years. My husband knows of my past with Sean. I will care about Sean for the rest of my life, but I have been able to keep that separate from my marriage because I love my husband and kids.
Sean sent me an e-mail recently. He wanted to know whether I was happy and gave me his phone number. I called him and we caught up. He said that he was happily married and had a son. I told my husband about the e-mail and the call and he said he was OK with it.
Recently, Sean and I started “chatting” online. When I told my husband about the chat, he said he was a little bit concerned. He said he didn’t mind the rare e-mail or phone call, but “chatting” made him uncomfortable.
He said that while he trusted me completely, he didn’t know what would happen if Sean tried to escalate our contact to something more than a casual friendship.
I don’t see this as an issue. Sean and I have agreed that we would do nothing to hurt our spouses. I am hurt that my husband doesn’t trust me enough, despite the fact that I have been totally committed to him for the past 15 years. What do you think of this? — Wondering Wife
Dear Wondering: Your husband has been reasonable and honest with you and yet you have manufactured his honesty into an excuse to feel hurt.
You admit that you have feelings for “Sean.” You are choosing to be involved in a relationship to the exclusion of both of your spouses. You should ask yourself how you would feel if your husband chose to be in regular and private “chatting” contact with someone he was once deeply in love with and still had feelings for.
You would feel threatened and you wouldn’t like it.
Dear Amy: I am in a wheelchair because of multiple sclerosis. My son is getting married and I need to know how to handle the dance where the groom and his mother hit the dance floor together. Any suggestions from you or your readers? — Mother of the Groom
Dear Mother: I shared your letter with Arney Rosenblat, a spokeswoman for the National Multiple Sclerosis Society in New York City (nationalmssoci ).
She says, “When we have events with dancing, people in wheelchairs treat the wheelchair as their legs. A wheelchair can easily move to and fro to the music. Your son can spin you about and you can even circle around him in your chair. . . .
“The key is to take this with a bit of grace and humor. The chair is the tool for you to enjoy the music and the key is to have fun.”
I’d like to add an idea. Your son might want to show his solidarity to his mom by sitting in a wheelchair during this special dance with you. He could appoint two ushers to wheel you both in a lightly choreographed duet. You’d have to work this out ahead of time. I’ll happily run other ideas.
Dear Amy: Self-isolated in Denver doesn’t like Evites. I use Evites every year to invite friends to my cookie swap. This free service is better for the environment.
I select a private setting that allows invited guests to view the details of the party — and to respond privately. This way there is no privacy violation and the guest list isn’t revealed. — In Favor of Internet Invites
Dear Favor: Responses to this query revealed some confusion. Evites () are not e-mailed invitations, but Internet invitations. The sender can customize the responses to maintain privacy. They are handy for casual get-togethers.
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