Dear Amy: My son and his wife are expecting their third child.
We learned this news from our other son, whom he confided in. He told his brother how unhappy he is.
Apparently our daughter- in-law was supposed to be using birth control, but she claims she didn’t use her birth control correctly.
This is the third time she has given this excuse.
For the past few months she has hinted about wanting another baby; she says she is eager for a baby shower.
In our presence, our son said he didn’t want to have another child.
We feel hurt that our son has been tricked into having three children.
Don’t misunderstand, he is a great father and loves all his kids. However, it is difficult for us to respect our daughter-in-law. We question why our son would continue to allow this behavior from her.
We still have not been told of this pregnancy and can only deduce our son is not thrilled about the news.
How should we approach this? Should we wait for him to tell us in his own way, or should we approach him?
And how do we continue to put on a happy face when dealing with the mother — even though we have lost all respect for her?
There is a life being brought into this immature relationship of theirs filled with lies and deception.
I know that when the child is born we will love it no matter what, but how can we show excitement, knowing our son feels duped? — Concerned Grandparents
Dear Concerned: You should maintain some skepticism about your third-hand information, but assuming it is true, your daughter-in-law has been dangerously deceptive.
When your son comes to you and tells you of this pregnancy, you could ask him, simply, how he feels about it.
Depending on how he responds, you can say that he told you both that he didn’t want to have any more children and that his brother reported that he has been duped or tricked into fatherhood.
Encourage him to explore his options and tell him you will support his decision.
If he decides to stay in the marriage, he should see his physician regarding his birth control choices. He may want to get a vasectomy; at the very least he should never have unprotected sex with his wife.
Your behavior toward your daughter-in-law should fall somewhere on the spectrum between throwing a baby shower for her and shunning her. She sounds like bad news, and this couple needs to successfully deal with her behavior before they can succeed as a family.
Dear Amy: My wedding is in about three months.
The theme is green. Green flowers, green tablecloths, etc.
I have searched for a long time to find the perfect bridesmaid dresses.
They are the exact shade of green that I want and are very inexpensive.
The only problem is they are strapless.
My best friend since elementary school will be my maid of honor. She refuses to wear strapless dresses and said she won’t change her mind.
My wedding dress is strapless, and she loves it. She said that I am being a “Bride-zilla” and I shouldn’t make her wear anything she doesn’t want to. I don’t know if I should change the style of dress or pick someone else to be my maid of honor.
I really like her and don’t want to lose her as a friend. — Bridezilla
Dear Bridezilla: You might be able to persuade your friend to wear a gauzy wrap around her shoulders.
If not — you need to decide what is most important to you — the perfect green dress or the flawed friendship.
Your friend might be using this as a reason to step away from her official duties; you should try to find out.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
