Dear Amy: I am a 16-year-old girl, and I live with my mom and step- father.
My stepfather has been in my life since I was 10, and we’ve always gotten along very well. Lately, though, we have been clashing.
My mom and my stepdad switched churches to better suit their spiritual needs a couple of years ago, while I kept the religion that my mom raised me with.
More than once, my stepdad has asked me a question about my religion, I have answered it, and he has argued with me about it. These arguments do not pertain to his or any other religion, but only mine. The arguments usually end with me walking away fuming.
I don’t confront him about his religion because I fear he will get upset, as I do when he confronts me about mine.
I want to have a good relationship with my stepdad. Am I right to be so annoyed when he lectures me about my religion? — Annoyed With Arguments
Dear Annoyed: There is nothing right or wrong about being annoyed. What counts is what you do about your feelings and how you choose to express them.
It is legitimate to want to steer clear from these conversations to preserve your good relationship with your stepfather. I think it’s a wise instinct on your part.
You should try to talk to him — not about your respective religions but about your conversations. You could say to him, “I feel like whenever we discuss this I end up getting upset. That’s why I don’t bring it up. Maybe we should just agree not to talk about it.”
Your mother might be able to explain what’s behind these arguments. Your folks might be upset that you didn’t choose to switch religions along with them.
Dear Amy: I disagree on the advice you gave to “Happy Cabbie.” She was a woman who said she loved her job driving a taxi in a dangerous part of town. You suggested she should find a way to enjoy a job that will shock her friends and family less.
You imply that it is this woman’s duty to do what others want her to do, or at least to find a way to compromise with them. It isn’t. Her life is her own, and she shouldn’t listen to others’ moralistic squawking about what she ought to do with her life.
Happy Cabbie talks like a woman who has found her calling. She knows the danger — and seems to love the job even more for it. A lot of women let themselves be cowed into giving up their dreams because of others’ expectations. They usually regret it later.
I hope this woman does not give up the job she loves in order to sit around bored in someone else’s home (which she will do as a caregiver). — A strong woman
Dear Strong: You make a great point — but “Happy Cabbie” had already ceded to her family’s “moralistic squawking,” left her job and taken another one as a caregiver, which I agree seemed like a radical shift. I tried to suggest ways she could satisfy her need for speed — and get her family off her back.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to “Grandfather in the Middle,” who generously takes the whole family on cruises. The daughter wants to bring a boyfriend this year.
My mother-in-law has taken the whole family on a cruise every few years. The number always changes due to a new grandchild, and this year the total was 19 people.
My mother-in-law has solved the dilemma of boyfriends and girlfriends attending by following one rule: “No ring, no bring!” — Gloria’s DIL
Dear DIL: Some families could find a way to fight about this rule, but at least it’s clear.
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