Dear Amy: I have a very close and caring friend.
“Susan” is wonderful and generous but does one thing that drives me crazy. Whenever I invite her and her husband to our house, she always asks who else will be there.
She does this before giving her response (which is “yes” 99 percent of the time). She asks this in e-mails, so I cannot quickly parry her question verbally with: “Who are you interested in seeing?”
What is a proper way to stop this question? I feel that it is none of her business who else I invited. If I am invited to someone’s home, I don’t ask about other guests — I give the host an answer about us and that’s it.
I feel it is rude to ask this question every time. It’s as if she is more interested in seeing my other guests than me and my husband.
Please help. I don’t want to lose her friendship but this has been building up for too long. I end up either ignoring this question in my response e-mail or saying I don’t have others confirmed yet. — Frustrated Friend
Dear Frustrated: You have dodged this question, and so far it has not eased your frustration. You might as well point out to your friend that her question puts you on edge.
You can do so nicely by saying, “I never really know how to respond when you ask me this because it sounds as if you are considering whether you want to come over based on who else will be there. Is there someone in our circle you are avoiding, or is there another reason you do this?”
I agree with you that this is a bad habit. You can help your friend break herself of this by conveying honestly how it makes you feel.
Dear Amy: My husband and I are both in our late 70s and have been married for six years. For some reason he feels it is an unwritten law that a couple should watch all movies together.
We have very different tastes in television programs.
We also have three TV sets in our small house, so it makes more sense for each of us to watch what we want to as individuals.
Most nights we wind up in an argument. Any ideas on how to solve this problem? — Johnnie in Florida
Dear Johnnie: Your husband wants to be with you! I gather it is not the togetherness that bothers you so much as his taste in movies does. Don’t argue about this: Compromise.
You two could divvy up the week into one day when he chooses what to watch and a day when you choose. For instance, he can record and ask you to suffer through “Cougar Town” with him on a Wednesday, and you can ask him to share “The Dirty Dozen” with you on a Thursday.
You should also agree to have times when you agree you’re not joined at the hip and be able to retreat to your separate Barcaloungers.
You should also both spend some time outside the home with friends or hobbies.
It’s all about balance — and you two can find it with the help of a calendar, a recording device and some tolerance for each other’s choices.
Dear Amy: “Perplexed” wrote to you expressing frustration when blind dates gas on about their previous relationships on the first date.
Here’s another slant on this problem, taken from my own experience.
I was on a blind date — my first after being divorced. I was warned by friends not to talk about my divorce or daughter on the date. The man skillfully questioned me all evening about both.
When I tried to even find out what he did for a living, he evaded the questions.
The story’s ending? We have been happily married for 48 years.
What did he do for a living? Insurance investigator! — No Longer Blind
Dear No Longer: Some “rules” cry out to be broken.
Given your husband’s skill at drawing you out, I’m not surprised you agreed to a second date.
Fortunately, he stopped bobbing and weaving so that you could to get to know him too.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
