Dear Amy: How does one get over the loss of a job they’ve had for a long time? After working for a major health insurance company for 28 years, I was told my job was being eliminated and shown the door. This was two years ago, and I am still looking for work.
My work record was excellent, and I was stunned, to say the least. I feel as if I have a knife in my back. I was given two letters of recommendation from my department, but that hasn’t helped me find a new job.
It’s hard to understand how they can do this to a loyal employee who worked so hard for them for so many years. Shouldn’t loyalty go both ways?
I feel I was let go because of my age and the fact that as an hourly employee, my wage was one of the highest.
It seems like no one wants to hire someone in their late 50s. Was this really dirty on their part, or am I being too sensitive? Is this the norm for big corporations?
I also feel like some people (my husband, for one) are thinking “she must have done something wrong.” My confidence and self-respect are pretty much gone. — Sad in Madison, Wis.
Dear Sad: It is completely normal to grieve over a sudden job loss — but two years of ruminating about your former employers is a very long time to devote to an employer who dismissed you.
It’s as if you are still “clocking in.” You worked at a job and were compensated for the work you did. Most companies see this as a fair exchange and neither reward nor offer much in the way of loyalty.
You should widen your job search (take a part-time job if you can find one) and also spend time networking with other people who may give you ideas and bolster your confidence.
In this economy, there are plenty of people out of work; this is nothing to be ashamed of. If you can get together with other people who are also looking, you can share your resources — and your frustrations.
Use this as a reason to think about what passions and interests might lead to other opportunities. Volunteering is a great way to keep your skills sharp and your confidence up.
Dear Amy: My 52-year-old daughter has been divorced for more than 10 years, but about five years ago she and her former husband decided to live together.
He has since given her a diamond engagement ring, and a church wedding is planned for July.
Am I obligated to walk up the aisle and give the bride away for a second time? Does this wedding require me to give the couple a wedding gift? Does the wedding invitation have to say again that: “Mr. and Ms. so and so are pleased to announce the wedding,” etc.? — KD
Dear KD: Your daughter and her once and future husband are making an important choice to remarry.
In my view, a formal wedding invitation issued by the parents on behalf of an older long-term couple who are marrying each other for the second time seems silly.
They should host this wedding and issue the invitation under their own names. You are not obligated to do any particular thing, but a gift would be thoughtful.
If your daughter asks you to walk with her down the aisle, you should share her happiness by doing so.
Dear Amy: “Concerned Grandparents” wrote to you, saying they feel their son’s wife has deceived him into having a third child.
I disagree with your answer. It takes two to tango, Amy. Why is the woman always at fault when it comes to this kind of question? Not to mention that it is none of the grandparents’ business. — Dismayed
Dear Dismayed: Many readers agreed with you. My advice was that if this man feels he has been repeatedly deceived or tricked into fatherhood, he should take a tough look at his marriage — and get a vasectomy.
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