It’d been a long time since I talked to Raul Herrera. His name might not ring a bell with you, but this might:
It’s January 2010. Raul is one of three graduates of the Young Fathers program run then as a joint effort by the Denver Inner City Parish and the Denver Area Youth Services. Raul was 22. He had become a father at 20. His son, Brandon, was 2.
As with the other young men here, Raul was learning to be a father not having had one himself. His dad took off when Raul was 3. Raul ran with the wrong crowd until someone bashed his skull with a nail-studded 2×4.
This is the part you might remember. The three grads were asked to say a few words and Raul said: “The father I choose to be is there for his son, teaches him respect, teaches him to help others. I will provide for him so he can graduate and go to college. I want him to exceed where I have stopped.”
He hesitated, then said: “I just want him to be a good guy, better than me.”
My visit to Lookout Mountain Youth Services Center is what has me thinking about Raul again. Last week, the youth lockup had 161 inmates ranging in age from 15 to 21.
I don’t know how many are fathers, but the one I met was named Rico. Rico was working on The Emanuel Project murals in the cafeteria. He is 19 and comes out of the gang life. He became a father at 16. His girlfriend was 14. Rico told me he and the young woman are still together and that he wants to be a good father to his son.
I don’t doubt his desire. I don’t doubt that it can happen. I guess I call Raul because I need to know it does.
Is the young man who stood on a stage that January, as full of good intentions as Rico is today, still working on becoming the father he chose to be?
He is.
I reach Raul at home Monday. His wife, Brittney, has taken their son to preschool. Raul has the day off. “We’re doing good. Brandon is 3, almost 4. He’s just busy being a little boy.”
Raul is still working at the Denver Zoo. He sells tickets to the carousel and train rides. It’s a minimum-wage job.
“We’re just trying to make a little money, that’s the hardest thing now,” Raul says. “I think Brittney cleans like five houses now. I’m looking for better employment still.”
It’s a stressful life, no doubt about it. Always worrying about the bills, nurturing a marriage, learning what it means to be a parent. Careful what you say. Careful how you behave. But it’s also a life full of joy.
Raul tells me his strategy for being a good father hasn’t changed. “I want him to look up to me. I’m teaching him how to share. He was always saying, ‘I want this. I want this.’ I have to tell him that he can’t have everything. We did get him a bicycle at Walmart. It was hard on the budget, but he was doing good in school and in sports. He’s on the training wheels, and I walk alongside him. He fell a couple times, but I just say, ‘Yes, in life, you will fall a couple times.’
“The other day, he came up to me and said, ‘Daddy, when I get bigger like you can I beat up them people like in the video games?’ So, I had to cut off the video games, and I had to set him straight. ‘You go to school. When you get big, you go to college and then you get a good job.’ I would be in college right now, but I have to focus on my family right now.”
There is such love in Raul’s voice when he talks about his family, I could listen to Brandon stories all afternoon. But I tell him about Rico, and Raul tells me he has similar conversations with other young men.
“Trouble will call your name,” he tells them. “Will you answer it? Is who you are what you want your son to be?”
Yes or no. That’s the answer they have to live with, Raul says. That’s the answer they have to live by.
Tina Griego writes Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Reach her at 303-954-2699 or tgriego@denverpost.com.
