I have decided to up my game and career by pitching my own reality show.
Why not? Turn on the television, flip through the dials and what do you see?
Men fishing on the high seas. Alleged celebrities or housewives and their supposed problems. Big mouths, mostly with accents, in kitchens. Business owners going undercover to infiltrate their workforces. Building motorcycles for the rich. Young females acting snotty. Men who yell “timber!”or drive big rigs in Alaska.
No acting, just real people under real circumstances, or so we’re told. Of course, that’s laughable, but, hey, it’s 2011.
Perhaps Root Sports would be willing to take a run through Colorado’s high school sports and churn out episodes.
The material is there, loaded with triumphs and predicaments.
See the football star who scores touchdowns and gets contacted by college recruiters as if he’s the second coming of Jim Brown, but can’t qualify academically.
The cross country runner who overcomes nasty shinsplints to attract attention from Oregon.
The field hockey player who has never played before more than 20 fans.
The gymnast who breaks her ankle doing floor exercises.
The softballer who hates the attention her teammate is getting.
The golfer who’s 4-under par and in command heading into the final hole only to take a quintuple-bogey 10.
The volleyball player who serves five consecutive aces at the Denver Coliseum to clinch a championship.
The basketballer who scores 40 points in the title game, including the winning free throws in the final seconds, and gets a scholarship offer only from a junior college.
The wrestler who wins four weight-class championships and tells us how all of the training and fasting was worth it . . . while woofing down a Big Mac and fries.
The swimming and diving team that is mourning the loss of a teammate killed by a drunk driver.
The ice hockey player who finishes his career with a goal in overtime.
The baseball player whose power is suddenly gone with the change in bats.
The ski team that visits elderly shut-ins on a weekly basis.
The sprinter in track whose 100-meter time is tops in the country only to be informed that it was wind-aided.
The lacrosse player who gets offered by Syracuse.
The soccer player whose knee gets blown out for the third time.
The tennis player whose elbow is, well, you know . . .
The kid who has an attitude about being relegated to junior varsity, then gets cut as a senior.
Another kid who began on the freshman B team, worked his/her way to starting on the varsity and will never forget it.
The city kid who has no idea what others in the mountains or on the plains deal with.
The coach whose team had a losing season, but couldn’t have asked for a better, tighter group.
The athletic director who hates running into a certain group of parents.
The secretary in the AD’s office who’s practically a den mother.
The trainer who, in any given week, must treat swollen knees, dislocated fingers, pulled muscles and strained backs — and tape who knows how many ankles.
The parents who sue because they can.
The principal who never misses an event the whole school year, then is hospitalized in June because of exhaustion.
And I can guarantee the above is real.
It may be a reach here, but would it be any worse than what’s on now?
Neil H. Devlin: 303-954-1714 or ndevlin@denverpost.com
