Dear Amy: I recently met a wonderful man through an online dating site. He lives in northern Michigan. I live in Minnesota. He is sweet, honest, good, kind and unspoiled, and we had a very nice, fun time during the weekend he came to my town to visit.
He thinks a long-distance relationship could work between us, and I believe he could be right.
Early on, before we spoke on the phone, he warned me that he has a certain kind of “northern Michigan/Canadian” accent. Amy, yes, he does! And it really is a discordant note to my ears.
I came from a rural area in Wisconsin, and the first thing I worked on when I went off to college was the sloppy diction, etc., that I grew up with. Now, no one would guess where I was born. He brought up this issue first. I responded, “Oh, you don’t sound like the people in the movie ‘Fargo,’ do you?” He does. Can I ask him if he’d be willing to work on his accent? Or do I just have to take it or leave it?
My friends are divided, and I am torn. — Mystified in Minneapolis
Dear Mystified: As someone whose accent arguably resides within the “Fargo” spectrum, I fail to see what is so awful about this, although you obviously find this (or maybe any other than your own “no one would guess where I was born”) accent grating.
But when everyone in North America starts to sound like an anchorman, we will have lost something important and charming.
Because your friend brought this up first, you have to assume that his accent has been a factor in other relationships.
The nice thing about getting to know someone is that you can raise these issues and use your discussion as a way to further your understanding of the person. Go ahead and bring this up. But please remember that the content of a person’s character is more important than his pronunciation.
Dear Amy: My husband smokes. In good weather he smokes outside, and in bad weather he smokes in a small room at the back of our house.
Guests do not need to pass through this room, but at times they visit him there.
I keep a very clean house. My husband keeps his clothes in a separate closet.
I wash the walls and windows in that room every few weeks. There is no cigarette odor in our house, except in his smoking room.
My friends know he smokes, but a couple of friends, whom I’ve known for years and who say they love coming to my home, will go into his smoking room and say, “This stinks!” or “Why do you let him smoke in the house?” I’d like to hand these women their coats.
I have explained to them that it hurts my feelings when they say those things, but I hear it every time they come over. What should I do? It’s his home too. — Smoked Out
Dear Out: I can’t figure out why you are washing your husband’s smoking room instead of having him taking care of this chore, but how you two run your household is none of my business, just like it’s none of your friends’ business.
When someone asks you why you “let” your husband smoke in the house, you can say, “It’s his house too.”
If this devolves into a generalized conversation about how disgusting your husband’s smoking habit is or how stinky the room is, say, “Marlene, you say this every time you come over. You realize that if this bothers you so much you don’t need to enter the room, right?”
Dear Amy: After subscribing to an online dating site and posting a photo, I was informed by a “gentleman” that I “wasn’t too bad.” What would have been your response? — Flummoxed
Dear Flummoxed: Let me channel Mae West: “Unfortunately, now you’ll never know that I’m not ‘too good,’ either.”
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