Dear Amy: I gave birth to a beautiful girl last year and was very fortunate to lose my pregnancy weight quickly.
Comments throughout my pregnancy about my minimal weight gain felt nosy at the time, but they don’t even compare with the comments I’ve received postpartum.
Not only do strangers, acquaintances and friends comment on my weight, but they also feel free to talk about my husband and daughter’s weight too.
During a recent family outing to the mall, two (apparently well-meaning) women approached us and exclaimed, “We don’t understand how two people who are so tiny could have such a giant baby!”
Please help me craft a response that doesn’t stoop to rudeness. — Tiny
Dear Tiny: This issue is so common — pervasive, even — that the best reaction might be to recognize the many, many strangers who don’t have anything to say about your body size. And so you could walk through the mall, exclaiming, “Hey you, mister — you over there who chose to smile and nod and who never once commented about my giant baby? I love you, man!”
More seriously, have you noticed how lately people seem to answer a whole variety of rhetorical questions with the phrase: “I know — right?” It’s all yours.
Dear Amy: My companion and I are both “young” 70-year-olds and we’ve been in a committed relationship for six years.
When he and his brother were single or between marriages they would take off for Club Med and chase women. His brother is married, and his wife is going away to see relatives for four days.
The two brothers are planning a golf trip to a nearby resort area. I asked if I could come along, but he said it would be “awkward” since they like to go to the sports bars at night and watch games. I think they want to feel free to flirt to prove they’ve still “got it.” My feelings are hurt that I can’t be included. He says I’m being overly possessive.— Anxious Companion
Dear Anxious: Your companion is in a committed relationship. His brother is married. Nothing in the checkered and silly history of these brothers indicates that either of these men flirted their way into cheating — according to you, they were between relationships when they went on their skirt-chasing holidays.
You have your opinion of what motivates these guys, but I suggest the possibility that sometimes a golf outing really is about golfing during the day and drinking beer in a sports bar at night.
Trust is a choice. Be open about your reservations, let your guy reassure you, and find something fun to do during his absence.
Dear Amy: This is responding to “Frustrated,” the woman who said she and her children were bullied at family functions by a brother-in- law who was always the “second son” of parents who openly favored their other son (now the woman’s husband).
You suggested that Frustrated should basically put her foot down, say, “I’ve had it,” and leave the next time this happens. She says that her husband recognizes and acknowledges his brother’s negative behavior, but I think he owes it to his brother to go further.
The favored son should have a talk with the angry brother and, in effect, say: “I see what happened to you when we were kids. It must have been horrible for you. I see why you are angry. I was just a stupid kid and didn’t think to stand up for you. Our parents were wrong, and I’m on your side now.”
I think that’s closer to what the neglected son needs now. — Lisa
Dear Lisa: I agree with you that the favored brother should acknowledge his brother’s position. He should also follow this with a request that the brother not carry this behavior forward.
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