Pull the plug on the humidor.
Nobody buys a ticket to Coors Field to watch a pitching duel.
We want a scoreboard that lights up like a pinball machine.
We want managers and players cursing the thin air of 5,280 feet.
Heck, we want tacos.
The Rockies lost 11-7 on Saturday night to the Los Angeles Dodgers.
If not for a diving grab by Dodgers outfielder Tony Gwynn Jr. to end the game with the bases loaded, they might still be playing.
That’s how baseball should be in Colorado.
Bring back the offensive insanity before paying customers decide this franchise isn’t worth the frustration.
How could 1 million people be so wrong? Rockies fans desperately want to believe a party is about to break out in LoDo. Their baseball team, however, keeps letting them down.
Where has the home-field advantage for Colorado gone? The 2011 edition of the Rockies owns a 15-16 record at the ballpark on Blake Street.
Despite a batting order plagued by too much dead wood and a pitching ace on a pace to win three games all season, another 34,290 fans paid for the privilege of being teased by the Rockies.
Down 7-1 in the eighth inning, Colorado erupted for five runs. Trouble was, Los Angeles scored four more times in the top of the ninth. Nevertheless, during the Rockies’ last at-bat, young hitter Charlie Blackmon came to the plate representing the tying run and scorched a wicked hooking line drive, only to be robbed by Gwynn.
“I firmly believe this: If we get any kind of stop in the top of the ninth inning, I really believe we win the game,” Rockies manager Jim Tracy said.
With one date remaining in this four-game series against the Dodgers, the teams have combined to score a gaudy 45 runs. Welcome back to Coors Canaveral. The outfield walls have been rocking with extra-base hits like Mike Piazza and Larry Walker never left the building.
Hey, did somebody forget to turn on the humidor?
Not to encourage the wackiness of conspiracy theorists, but for the Rockies, with a team batting average of .251, the humidor might have outlived its usefulness. The contraption has been in operation since 2002.
Pull the plug.
My logic? If Rockies fans can’t see the home team win, let them eat cheap tacos.
Games in Colorado are supposed to last all night — or at least until pitchers go stark, raving mad.
Remember when San Francisco general manager Brian Sabean suggested last autumn that the Rockies were cheating with the humidor?
He sounded a little paranoid.
But baseball in Denver should make the visitors crazy, don’t you think?
Maybe all that’s required of Colorado to draw 2.5 million spectators for 81 home dates is to open the gates. The Rockies will almost certainly hit that magic attendance number for the 14th time in their 19-season history.
Earlier this decade, the crowds in LoDo began to thin. Then came Rocktober 2007. It was magic. And — presto! — franchise owners Dick and Charlie Monfort had their license to print money renewed.
But you can’t fool all the people all the time.
Coors Field might be the sunniest place on earth. It’s a shock when pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez gets booed off the mound. But, in a summer when the local baseball team was supposed to be the antidote for a chronically blue mood caused by the Broncos, the patience of Rockies die-hards is being severely tested.
Sooner or later, even the good people of Colorado might ask off this bandwagon to nowhere.
If we can’t see a playoff team in LoDo, at least let us enjoy Troy Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez knocking dents in the outfield walls.
Mark Kiszla: 303-954-1053 or mkiszla@denverpost.com
