If you already know why the hero of the good-natured ’80s pop-metal musical “Rock of Ages” is just a city boy “born and raised in South Detroit,” and the object of his affection is a small-town girl named (Oh!) Sherrie, then this silly return to the decade we’ll always (try to) remember is for you.
If not, well, then, “Les Miserables” is back in August.
tagrock musical
This musical does not take itself at all seriously, thank goodness. If its tongue were planted any more deeply in cheek, in fact, it would have to be set all the way back in the ’50s. A night of deep thinking and heavy-issue contemplation, this is not.
It is instead a fun night for anyone born after say, 1955, to wail along to loud, head-banging anthems from the likes of Poison, Bon Jovi and Twisted Sister. The kind that made those of us who preferred The Replacements — or heck, even U2 or Paul Simon — to bang our heads against the wall.
But time has both a mellowing and whitewashing effect, which helps make “Rock of Ages” a night of pure nostalgia for all of us who survived the decade of Survivor. A chance to scream out at the mere mention of wine coolers, Tuxedo T-shirts and body shots. To wave both arms and fake cigarette lighters (they come with your ticket). To snicker at an endless parade of Madonna costumes, studded jackets and big hair (some of which is even real!).
Seriously, it’s too bad the name “Hairspray” was already taken.
“Rock of Ages” is a jukebox musical — meaning it’s born into that cynical and lazy Broadway trend of cobbling a banal story around existing pop hits. But this one is anything but cynical or lazy. There is a bona fide story (and a kind of witty one at that) told by a Puck-like narrator Lonny (Patrick Lewallen) who’s constantly reminding us this is just a lark, people.
The plot grows out of the lyrics to Journey’s ubiquitous “Don’t Stop Believing,” that skull-splitting ballad that sustains both my migraine, and karaoke as an industry, to this day. But while “Rock of Ages” is sold as “an arena concert experience,” it’s really a fairly traditional Broadway musical that takes you back to 1987 on Hollywood’s seedy Sunset Strip — emphasis on “strip.”
Wayne’s world, er, Drew’s world, revolves around a naive, wannabe actress right off the bus — think “Thoroughly Modern Millie,” 70 years later. Drew (charmingly played by Constantine Maroulis of “American Idol”) is a nice-guy bartender and aspiring rocker whose path to true love with poor, gullible Sherrie (Elicia MacKenzie) gets crossed by a lecherous David Lee Roth- type who steals Drew’s girl and discards her, thus catapulting heartsick Drew into the icky (and hilarious) corporate boy-band machine.
In the meantime, the iconic rock club of the day has been condemned by eminent domain, but a tree-hugging hippie chick (Casey Tuma) is determined to thwart the German developers.
Revues of this type are often insulting for the obvious way they string dialogue together merely to justify the next song. These writers have great, winking fun with that, telegraphing tunes like “We’re Not Gonna Take It” as a response to the developers, and “Final Countdown” as a demolition device. But it’s surprising how well pop ballads like Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is” and Extreme’s “More than Words” would play in any contemporary stage musical.
The biggest cheers (and laughs) of the night come after REO Speedwagon’s “I Can’t Fight This Feeling,” but you’re just going to have to see it to find out why.
Though I hated most of this music then, and still do, “Rock of Ages” is both a blast from the past — and it’s a blast. Try as I might, I can’t fight this feeling anymore.
John Moore: 303-954-1056 or jmoore@denverpost.com