Dear Amy: I recently discovered the history button on my computer, and started using it.
I found porn sites listed. I thought it was a mistake and quickly deleted them. Now I check the history every day, and I notice that these sites are visited about once a week.
I know that it is my dad who is looking at them, as my mother and sister have to be at work early and I have school. These sites are visited throughout the afternoon, when my father is alone and before he goes to work.
I don’t know what to do.
My father calls himself a good Catholic and goes to church every week. Now it all seems like a show to me.
My mom has no idea about this, and I know she would be devastated to find out.
Should I tell my dad I know what he’s doing? Or do I just keep deleting the history?
— XXX-treme Secret Keeper
Dear Keeper: Let’s assume you are correct and that your father is the person visiting porn sites from your computer.
On one level, as unfortunate as this choice is, your father’s activities are his private business. But this knowledge about him has thrown you into a crisis, and you are now questioning his character.
Because of this, you should speak to him. Tell him what you’ve seen and tell him what you think of his behavior. If you have questions, ask.
Your father may (and probably will) deny doing this. But at least he will know you are aware of it — and he’ll know how you feel about it.
Dear Amy: One year ago, my wife’s boss of 20 years advised her he was secretly selling the company and needed her help to orchestrate the deal. She agreed, and he said he would look after her without declaring how he would provide for her.
She put in more than 1,000 hours on top of her usual 50 hours per week over a span of 10 months and suffered anxiety, depression, insomnia and high blood pressure. She was on call 24 hours a day.
The deal closed and the boss got his big payout. He rewarded three other employees with money (my wife knows because she wrote the checks).
After seeing what others were given, she was not happy with the amount she was being offered, and so she asked for more compensation.
His reply was, “It’s like getting the gift of a sweater and then asking for a better one!”
Instead of saying, “That’s all I am giving,” he withdrew his gift completely and has promised for the last few weeks to pay her but has not.
Should she give it up — or do you think she has some legal recourse? — Unhappy Husband
Dear Husband: Your wife should explore her legal options by consulting an attorney.
The way I see it, she didn’t have a contract specifying the amount of work she would do or the compensation she would receive. Her boss very craftily termed this compensation as “a gift,” which essentially says that it is not payment for work she has done.
I give her credit for trying to negotiate for what she feels is her fair share. If she deserves a “better sweater,” she should advocate for it.
She should also start a job search.
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