Dear Amy: Our brilliant, beautiful and talented daughter graduated from college with honors and a degree in music performance. She is an awesome performer, but establishing a professional career in her field will require hard work and perseverance.
While her peers are finding jobs and internships, our daughter is on the phone all night arguing with her boyfriend and crying all day about their arguments. He dropped out of college, has no job and lives with (off) his aunt (his mother kicked him out). He lives in another state.
In the meantime, our daughter has no job, and we have her student loans, car note and bills staring us in the face. Well, it’s her turn to shoulder her expenses!
She has always worked up until now but says she’s too upset and depressed to concentrate on her career. We’re trying to be patient, but we’re almost ready to send her to live with this guy’s auntie too.
Any suggestions? — Frustrated Parental Units
Dear Frustrated: Instead of expecting your depressed daughter to get a job in a field where her emotional state might prevent her from landing anything, you should focus on the very immediate issue of finding something to help pay the bills. She needs another focus; she needs to work.
So when she says she can’t concentrate on a career, say, “You’re right.”
She might be able to pick up some shifts waiting tables — in fact, working a busy night shift might be the best thing for her right now.
Also, suggest that she join a local music group where she can meet people who share her interests while keeping her skills fresh.
Take her depression seriously, and do everything possible to get her to see a professional counselor.
Dear Amy: I am a wife, mom and professional woman in my 30s. My birthday is shortly after Christmas. After the holidays I find that it is an imposition to ask family members to come to yet another gathering to celebrate my birthday.
At my age, it can be silly to celebrate my own birthday, and, quite honestly, after the holidays, I’m tired.
In the past when I have tried to host a celebration with my in-laws, they would indicate that they had other plans, so we would end up pushing my birthday into March, or one year, even June! They always call me on my birthday, however.
If I don’t get them to come to my home to celebrate my birthday, I don’t get a gift. I find it rude! They give my husband birthday gifts, even if they cannot make it to his celebrations. Am I being childish? If so, knock me into reality. — New Year’s Baby
Dear New Year’s Baby: You are being childish.
Consider yourself knocked.
At your age, you should not expect birthday gifts from everyone. Birthday wishes should suffice.
If your husband wants to honor you with a party, he can invite all his family and perhaps compel them to come and give gifts.
You’ll feel much better if you just let it go.
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