Dear Amy: My mom plans to visit me from Europe with my little brother. I suggested she bring her boyfriend and his three young kids. They’ve been an item for about a year. We don’t have a large house but offered to make room for him and his kids. I wanted the opportunity to get to know my potential stepfather and stepbrothers.
However, a few weeks ago he dumped her and said he was canceling his trip. She didn’t hear from him for more than a week. Then I got a text from my mother saying that they had decided to be friends and that he’s coming on the trip. She tells me he’s still staying at my house.
I spoke to my husband, and we are not comfortable having my mom’s ex-boyfriend stay with us for a week.
Although I am happy they are friends, we would not have invited him and his kids to stay with us for a week if they were anything but a serious couple. We have three young kids.
My mom says we invited him and now we are disinviting him. Which is, in fact, true. However, we invited her “boyfriend” and feel his dumping her is a deal breaker.
We made a decision that we felt was best for all seven kids involved. We have offered to host him and his kids for meals at our house, but we asked that they stay in a hotel. My mom feels I am being rude. Am I obligated to stand by my original invitation? — Obligated?
Dear Obligated: Your mother doesn’t get to decide who stays at your house. I agree with you that the new circumstances have changed your obligation to host this group.
You are not refusing to acquaint yourself with your mother’s friend.
If this family comes on the trip and stays at a hotel, it gives all of you a chance to get to know one another at a comfortable distance.
Dear Amy: I have two nieces who are close in age. One is my brother’s daughter; the other is the daughter of my sister.
My brother’s daughter has been engaged for more than a year and is looking forward to her wedding.
My sister’s daughter recently became engaged, and has planned her wedding for the month before her cousin’s.
My feeling is that this is an insensitive move on the part of my sister’s daughter. Scheduling a wedding for the month before her cousin’s is “upstaging” her cousin’s wedding.
I don’t feel good about this and told this to my sister. My sister feels that there is nothing wrong it. I would be curious to know your thoughts! — An Aunt Who’s in a Quandary
Dear Aunt: One of the many advantages of being an aunt is that you don’t have a huge stake in the decisions of your siblings’ offspring.
I would leave this alone.
Dear Amy: Please remind brides and bridegrooms it’s not the parents’ responsibility to pay for their weddings.
If the parents want to, fine — but there should be no expectation that parents must pay for these extravaganzas.
— Keeping It Real
Dear Real: I agree with you. Perhaps you could give the couple a monetary gift.
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