Dear Amy: My husband of two years and I are both 60 years old. Our previous marriages were quite long: 29 and 35 years, respectively.
My former husband is remarried. We communicate or see each other when our three children have important events in their lives like weddings and graduations.
My husband has not been in touch with his ex. They had no children, and she left him for another man.
Recently the wife of my husband’s best friend died. He called his ex to inform her because the couples had once been quite close.
A few days later, my husband received a beautiful handmade card from her. She said that no matter what happened in life, she would always be near and be there for him, and that he was “in her heart forever.” It opened with “Dear” and closed with “Love” and she used her pet name for him. There was no mention of the woman who died.
I am grateful that my husband shared the card with me. He has no intention of responding and feels this will prevent her from getting in touch again.
I feel insecure about that. I decided to write to her and let her know that my husband and I both felt her card was inappropriate.
He asked me to sit on the letter for a few days and perhaps not send it. He said that it was not like me to send such a communication. I know it will diminish me in my husband’s eyes if I send it and perhaps cause him to be less open with me in the future. What should I do? — New Wife
Dear Wife: Your husband is a smart guy. Follow his advice. It is obvious that you are quite threatened by this contact. If your husband hears from his ex again, he can bring the hammer down. But for you to do so reveals your insecurity to the ex, and I don’t think this is your intent. It is your husband’s job to manage his ex.
Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I are talking about moving in together. My roadblock is the two dogs she shares with her ex-husband.
I’ve asked her a few times what she thinks the future of this custody arrangement might be, and she never really has an answer. I can’t tell if she really likes having the dogs, or if she likes keeping tabs on what her ex-husband is doing.
She is busy with work and travel, and the situation with the dogs is disruptive and time-consuming. I’m not sure how to come out and say I don’t like it. My girlfriend tells me to accept her for who she is. The dogs are part of her life. — Dog Tired
Dear Tired: I’m not sure this is really about the dogs. You need to clear up the matter of your girlfriend’s relationship with her ex, which seems to bother you. If you feel better about her intentions, the shared custody arrangement might not bother you so much.
If you plan to stay with your girlfriend, you should try to embrace this canine relationship. If you are more involved in the dogs’ lives and care, you might be disposed to enjoy them more.
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