Dear Amy: I am 23 and still terrified of the dark. I can’t sleep without a light on unless another person is in the bed with me. I have to sleep with my bedroom door wide open and the hall light on.
If someone turns off my light in the middle of the night and I wake up in the dark, I freak out and jump out of bed to turn it back on.
I have never lived alone, but when I sleep alone in a house I have to lock myself in my room, turn every single light on and drink a couple of glasses of wine to fall asleep.
Every time I find myself alone in the dark, images from every horror movie I’ve ever seen (or heard about) come flooding into my mind.
The last time I was house-sitting for my parents, there was a thunderstorm that caused me to drive around in my car for an hour for fear that the power would go out with me in the house.
Is this weird?
I feel like the only way to cure my anxiety would be to force myself to spend the entire night alone in a pitch-black room, but I really don’t want to do that!
Should I just try to live with my fears, or do I have an abnormal problem that needs to be addressed? — Scared
Dear Scared: You should face your fear.
Forcing yourself to spend the entire night alone in a pitch-black room, however, sounds like a scene from one of those horror movies you keep replaying in your head.
You’re on to something, though.
In cognitive-behavioral therapy, people heal through very gradual exposure to the things that frighten them. A professional counselor could set you on a therapeutic course.
Here are my amateur suggestions:
Don’t drink alcohol before bed. This will actually interrupt your sleep — and being inebriated will feed your imagination.
Keep a diary next to your bed. Write down what you’re thinking about and how you’re feeling. You might be able to rewrite your script by deliberately substituting comic images for frightening ones.
With a nod to an idea borrowed from a great non-horror movie, “Ghostbusters,” can you imagine Scooby-Doo rescuing you from Freddy Krueger? The idea is to develop techniques and build on your successes.
Dear Amy: I worked with a girl for six years. While we worked together, we were close. We both left the job at the same time about four years ago, and since then I’ve only seen her once.
Now she is getting married and has invited my husband and me to her wedding.
I am honored but a little uncomfortable.
We don’t know any of her family or friends, and while I wish her well and would like to see her get married, we really don’t feel comfortable going to the wedding or reception. I really don’t mind giving a gift, but what would be appropriate for someone you used to know but no longer do? — Confused
Dear Confused: This nice invitation should not instigate so much anxiety. Simply decline the invitation.
You do not have to give a gift, but it would be thoughtful to do so.
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