Dear Amy: Recently my wife and I separated. I am going through a really tough time. I have no interest in dating just yet. I don’t really even want to have a casual dinner with anyone.
I have a female friend whom I have known for several years, and I know she always has been romantically interested in me. She’s a great person, but I sense that she’s getting ideas of what might happen now that I’m free.
I cannot bear to hurt this person’s feelings, as I know she is lonely and in search of love, but I am totally not interested in anything more than being friends.
Is there any way out of this without ruining the friendship? — Frustrated Friend
Dear Frustrated: Handle this now. Rip off the bandage. And then stick around and do your best to handle the fallout. Muster the courage to say, “We’ve known each other for a long time. I really value our friendship. And I don’t know if I’m crazy, but I sense that you might be interested in me romantically. I just want you to know that I don’t want to go in that direction.”
Your friendship can survive this, but ultimately this will be up to her.
Dear Amy: When my husband and I first moved in together a couple of years ago, my sister “Tandy” came over one day and asked if she could have a soda. I told her that she is family and does not have to ask — she can help herself to anything.
Now, whenever Tandy comes over she immediately raids the fridge and pantry! She will drink six sodas in a visit and eat an entire bag of chips, leaving none for us.
Once she melted down a brick of expensive, imported cheese to make nachos, which she ended up wasting because she didn’t like the cheese.
Tandy is eating us out of house and home!
I know I told her she could help herself, but I feel like she is taking advantage of my offer and being unreasonable.
This is especially annoying to my husband. He’s a picky eater, and most of what she eats is the food he specifically bought to consume.
Tandy’s behavior is causing friction, but I have begged him not to say anything to her.
I have tried dropping every hint imaginable, but Tandy does not pick up on social cues. I know that I have to be direct, but I do not want to create any drama.
My husband will lose it if I don’t nip this in the bud. How can I handle this? — Starving Sister
Dear Sister: Do you really think this is about your sister’s inability to “pick up on social cues”?
Is your relationship with your sister so tender that you cannot say to her in the most sisterly way, “Tandy — you seriously need to dial it down. You are eating us out of house and home.”
If you don’t establish some reasonable boundaries now and show the ability to good- naturedly respond to behavior you don’t like, then you’re going to have a hard time managing your family down the road.
And if your husband isn’t permitted to express to a family member his own frustration, then you’re going to spend a lot of time in your marriage translating for him.
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