Dear Amy: I am a young adult, and I was diagnosed with anorexia three years ago. My parents forced me into an inpatient treatment facility against my will.
I’m now in college, and life during the school year is much more bearable compared with the summer months when I return home. My parents are constantly making comments and harassing me about my eating patterns and the need to see my physician and dietitian.
I am not ready to make a recovery from this disorder. I don’t want to get better. This is the lifestyle I want right now. I realize that this may be selfish of me, considering that my disorder affects the emotions of my family members, but I believe I have the right to do what I want with my body. I’m overwhelmed by this nagging and worrying from my parents.
I do not have the funds to move out on my own. What do you think would be the best way to defuse the tension while still living my life the way I want to? — Anorexic
Dear Anorexic: Anorexia is not a “lifestyle.” It’s a disease.
Right now, the disease is talking, so I’m going to sidestep your stated desire to dodge treatment.
I shared your letter with Lynn Grefe, president of the National Eating Disorders Association, who urges you to contact their help line at 800-931-2237 now to get a referral (). “Anorexia has the highest death rate of any mental illness. If your previous treatment didn’t work, you should seek a second opinion,” Grefe says.
Your folks have the perspective to know what you do not: that life is fragile and precious and that anorexia is a punishing, potentially fatal disease that could leave you with long-range and very serious health problems.
Your parents love you. They are trying to save your life, and your whole family should commit to whatever course of action will protect your health and well-being in the short and long term.
A professional counselor with expertise in eating disorders could help your folks. Even if you refuse to see a counselor, they should try it.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for seven years. Lately I’ve become aware of my significance in the family: I am the pack mule.
I bought our house and stress about paying the bills every month. He has a minimum-wage-type job. I have been working extra hours.
I work nights, and he can’t seem to grasp that I need sleep. When he comes home from work he goes straight to his computer and says, “hello” en route. He states that this is his “unwinding time.”
I am so tired of him contributing so little to our household, either financially or emotionally. I would seek a divorce, but here again it comes down to money. — Pack Mule
Dear Pack Mule: Pack mules need to be rested and well cared for. Otherwise they lose their ability to carry the household on their backs.
If your husband doesn’t contribute more financially, he must devote his energy at home to ensuring that you get what you need: rest, decent meals and an occasional scratch around the ears.
The only way out of your terrible rut is to make a series of deliberate choices to change what you can change, and work on the rest.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
