Dear Amy: I met a man online seven years ago. We’re both divorced, and I have a teenager. We live on different continents and get to see each other about four to five times a year.
About two years ago, I told him that I wasn’t sure I could continue with the relationship because I was finding it hard to deal with the traveling and the goodbyes.
I’m not able to move to his country because of my child’s education, and he won’t move here because of the weather.
I realized that I wasn’t ready to give up on the relationship. We agreed that we would wait until my child’s education is finished in three years to make a decision about our future. When I recently mentioned this conversation, he didn’t recall it.
When I’m with him he is attentive but frequently has to go off “to make a quick call.”
He recently told me that he would be too busy to talk to me for more than a week. I think he was with someone else, and I thought it was rude that he couldn’t bother to call me to check in.
He doesn’t like to talk about the future on a regular basis (who does?) and, though I know he cares about me, I’m not sure if his feelings run deeply enough.
We always meet at different places around the world, but I’ve never been invited to his house (he has been to mine).
He recently told me that he has slept with other women during the time that we have been together. This didn’t surprise me, but I hate the thought of him being emotionally connected to someone else.
I’ve not been with anyone else in that time and am wondering whether it is worth the wait. Am I missing out on the possibility of meeting someone who really does see a future with me? — Unsure
Dear Unsure: Your guy has slept with other women since being with you, and you should realize there is a high likelihood that he is hiding relationships — perhaps a whole family — from you.
He is demonstrating through his words and actions that he has no intention of making this relationship with you permanent.
If you were satisfied with the glacial progress and uncertain future of this relationship and able to enjoy it as it is, then, by all means, you should keep on truckin’.
You obviously are in need of answers about this relationship, and so you should take your guy’s lack of answers as an answer. It’s time to find someone closer to home.
Dear Amy: I recently accepted a new job.
On my last day in my old position, a senior manager confided in me that because of budget cuts a few positions may be eliminated.
One of those is the position of someone I became close to at work, and who I expect to see from time to time in the future.
I feel compelled to tell her so she can try to find a new job right away.
Should I divulge this bad news? — Job Insecure
Dear Insecure: Yes. Once you start your new job, you should tell your former colleague what you know, including the fact that this information is speculative and these cutbacks might not happen.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
